"A Time for Every Purpose Under Heaven"

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven..." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Life is never as clear cut and simple as we would like it to be; there are always tough choices to make and disappointments to be had, there are always goodbyes to be said, and time sometimes flies by too quickly and other periods drag too slowly. Yet the beauty of life can be found: in the moments of those important choices we make; in the hope we show through our disappointments; in our willingness to open ourselves up to future goodbyes; and in our ability to cherish the time we have, minutes or years.

In the past couple of years, I’ve learned a lot about living in and valuing the time that I am given. It’s never easy when your heart is divided (in my case between two separate countries) because it is always yearning for what you don’t have, but instead you can choose to focus your heart fully on what you do have. In doing so you will find that what you have is always better because it is made for you at that moment. At least this is what I have found to be true. When I am here in Uganda, I dearly miss those at home, and when I am home, I dearly miss those in Uganda.

With June arriving my time left seems so short and my departure already upon me. And that means it’s almost time for me to say goodbye to all that I so deeply love. I know that it is time for me to go home and finish school, and I am excited to do so, but I know that it is going to be incredibly hard to leave the life that I’ve been living here in Africa. It’s hard to imagine just picking up and leaving after working so hard to build a life here with people that I genuinely care about, and it’s hard to visualize myself going home because I’ve grown since I left and I’m not the same person that I was.

Yet these are nothing in comparison to the anxiety I feel when I think about having to leave those that have become my children in the year that I’ve spent here. While it’s difficult being away from the children that I love back at home it’s made easier because I know they have families who love them and will take care of them. The same is not true for these children. And though I will be saying goodbye with every intention of returning, I am still leaving them. I think especially of the three that call me “Mama Shannon,” Nettie, Ziyada, and John. They think of me as their mother, but what mother parts from her children?
 

 

My dearest  Nettie (four years old) still avoids talking to anyone but me and her brothers, refuses to smile or laugh without first being held, and is unwilling to participate in anything without first being reassured. What will happen when I leave her, will she continue to blossom or will she retreat even deeper into herself? Who will be the one to visit her on Saturdays at boarding school, to bring her juice and biscuits, to sit and hold her, to show her that she has been remembered? Who will whisper into her ear, “I love you very much, Nettie?!” And when she in the village on holiday, who will make sure she has eaten and is alright? Nerima has started transforming from the broken, bitter, and lonely child that she was when I met her a year ago, and is becoming a beautiful, whole, tender, and loving girl whose future is open to all opportunities. My heart is already breaking when I think that the day is coming when I cannot see her, wrap her in my arms tightly, and protect her and calm her fears.

 

My sweet Ziyada is still just three years old and only just began school but already is so mature and wise beyond her years. I will have only known her for under six months when I go but she captured my heart that first day I met her. An orphaned child living with a relative and her many children, she was unable to go to school, and was without hope for her future. I am amazed by how quickly she has begun to pick up English and with how happy she is, for my sweet Ziyada is always smiling. This precious girl whose joy is contagious and hugs are to be treasured has changed her name to Ziyada Shannon because she says she wants everyone to know that she has a muzungu (white) mother who loves her very much. I don’t even know how to wrap my mind around the fact that God could use me in such a way that a three year old girl would want to forever be associated to me. My time with Ziyada is just beginning and already it’s ending, even if it’s only for a couple of years it will be far too long. I want to see her grow and more than that I want to be a continual part of her life. I want to be there as she celebrates each day and every year of her life, and so knowing that I will miss the next few weighs so heavily on my heart.

 

My precious John Trevor is eleven years old and has such faith in God that it rivals anyone I’ve ever met. He is a boy who has nothing in the world’s eyes and who would be pitted by most people, yet he has what we all long for and really matters, a deep unconditional trust in God. I first met John when I was teaching English in his class at the school New Brainstorm. He caught my eye not because he was the only one who knew every answer *which he did) but because of the deep respect and eagerness to serve that he showed me. I have never known an eleven year old boy whose behavior could only be described as a child of Christ. In fact he constantly is an example to me of how we are all meant to live our lives. But I remember the day that God laid John on my heart and I knew that I was meant to be a part of his life, I came to his school one day and he gave me a letter in which he thanked me for bringing cookies to the previous class, his words were, “My dearest teacher, I wanted to thank you for bring food to class last time, because of you I did not go hungry that day. Most days I do not have food because I am alone and have no parents but that is alright because God brought you to me so that I would not be hungry. May I call you mother? I have no mother and you are like my mother because you care for me and feed me.  I want to be your son. May God bless you because you have loved me.” I cried reading his letter. I had done nothing but bring some cookies and popcorn to class as a celebration for my students hard work, and yet without my knowing it had meant something so deep to this young boy who was used to going to school without food all day. I know that even his faith was being tested around this time and somehow the simple act of me giving him a cookie was God encouraging and speaking to him. I don’t know why God choose me to be the one who could bless this child but I do know that He loves John very dearly and would use anyone and everyone to let him know. My John who loves to play soccer, has a beautiful touching voice, who will spend his holiday drawing twenty seven pictures for me, and whose smile melts my heart every time. My dear John calls me “Mama” and doesn’t want me to ever leave, but I must. I can’t imagine when I can longer visit him, when I can’t bring him food, or write him a letter. When I won’t see his whole face light up at the smallest things and see his great kindness towards others. How hard it will be to say goodbye to my precious son.

So you see, saying goodbye will not be easy and leaving will be even harder, for my heart has found a home with these children. But I know without a doubt that I was not the first to love them and that God’s love for them will always be greater than my own. That though I may not be the one to hold them, provide for them, and show them that they are loved, God will. In fact, He will do so in ways that I cannot even imagine and that will means so much more to them than anything that I could ever do for them would. He will be the one whispering to them; not to give up, that they are loved, and that He will never leave them. He will hold them tightly and calm their fears, He will celebrate each and every moment of their lives with them, and He will be their Father.

He is my Father too, and so I know that cares for me and my heart as well and will care for them enough for both of us. I entrust them into His capable hands, for I know that I will also be close to Him, looking to Him for strength and courage to face each morning without them.

L'absence diminue les médiocres passions, et augmente les grandes, comme le vent éteint les bougies et allume le feu.

Absence extinguishes the minor passions and increases the great ones, as the wind blows out a candle and fans a fire.                                                                     

-Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld



 

 

"Mama"

I am constantly reminded that I am in control of very little and that God is in control of everything. There is so much that I do not know, things that are happening around me and those that happen far away, but He does.

     On Friday morning the four children came to Kampala so that we could take them to boarding school. Nettie arrived very sick. When we took her temperature it was at 104 degrees. I rushed her to the medical clinic where she  tested positive with a severe case of  malaria. She was put on an IV immediately. We spent the night at Ray of Hope since she was still on the IV at that time. Saturday she was able to come home for a little bit and then she finished her last 4 hours on the IV in the evening. Today we stayed home from church and the village so that she could rest. Hopefully, she will be better by the end of the week and will be able to join her brothers at school.

     The crazy part about the past couple of days is that it could have turned out so differently. Malaria is preventable and it is treatable, but it is dangerous if left to it's own. If Nettie hadn't come to Kampala she would not have received medical attention. With a temperature that high, she probably would not have made it. If she hadn't had come I would have had no idea that she was sick and wouldn't have been able to make sure that she received the best care possible. Things could have been so different if God had not been in control and watching out for my little girl. I just can't imagine if I had shown up today in the village and found out something had happened to her. Malaria is one of the primary killers of children in third world countries, and about every thirty seconds a child dies from malaria in Africa alone. This is the world that my baby lives in. It could have been her. It was so close to being her.

     I don't really have the words to express how thankful I am that she is okay. That I am the one who gets to take care of her as she recovers and makes sure she has someone to hold her when the fever comes. And that I get to spend another week with my beautiful Nettie. I would do anything for her, and I am so glad that God is watching out for her. I am glad that this morning she was able to smile again, telling me she is starting to feel a little more like herself. But the highlight of the past few days, was when she called me "Mama" for the first time. Friday was scary, yesterday was very long, but today was incredibly special. Just knowing that she wants me to be her mother and to care for her, truly means so much to me. I would do anything for her,  yet there are some things that even I can't do, which is why I am so glad that God is watching out for her. He is so faithful and His compassion runs so deep for His beloved children.

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the enemy’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

True Love

I know that I just wrote a blog entry a few days ago but I wanted to celebrate with you all that has happened. You may know of my dear Nettie, the 3 year old girl that has captured my heart here in Uganda. I've written of how she has changed in the past seven months and of the first time that I saw her smile. I also mentioned in a recent post that one of the things I was most looking forward to was seeing her laugh. It may have been clear that I love this little girl a lot. In fact, all I want is to be with her every moment of every day. But this is what I want to share with you, she loves me as well.

 I had the chance to spend the last two days with my Nehema (her full name) and it was more than perfect. She is more than perfect. When we arrived she was waiting for me. She smiled almost as much as I did. She played and laughed (something I have been long awaiting). She held me tightly and wouldn't let go. When it was time for me to leave today, she broke down in tears. This from the child who never showed emotion except when she was angry. This from the girl who screamed when I first held her. This from my beautiful Nettie and all because she wants me to love her. She knows I do and she is happy in my arms because she loves me too!

All I want is to take care of her and love her more than anyone has ever loved another person. I want her to grow up full of joy and knowing that she is loved. And I see that future for her know. One where her smile comes easily and her laugh is contagious. Somehow I know that I will be there too. I love her and time will not change that love. I've loved a lot of people and a lot of children, but I've never felt that it was so important for me to love them. I love her like she was my child and knowing that she has no mother to love her makes it so clear to me, that is why I'm here. True love.

She Trusts Me!

I came to Zirobwe on my first day in Uganda, and I fell in love with this place right then. It would be hard not to love the people here, the children, the community, the hot days, beautiful green landscape, and blue skies. These are all things that I am immersed in while in Zirobwe, and I could easily be happy here the rest of my life. The longer I spend in Zirobwe the more and the stronger are the relationships that I build grow. I frequently take long walks around the village going to visit different families that I have gotten to know well. And even though I am nowhere close to knowing all of the children’s names (I still meet new ones all the time) I have put so many names to their faces.

One of the families that I know consists of three boys and a girl, and sometimes their father. They lost their mother earlier this summer before I came. The father is often away and when he is home he can be abusive. When I met these children they had just become sponsored and they were getting ready to go to school for the first time in their lives. The oldest boy was 11 and taking care of his three younger siblings, the youngest of which was not even two. He used to always carry her everywhere and she would cry when he put her down. None of the four children smiled much; in fact it was clear that they were struggling with the recent passing of their mother. The youngest Nettie always had a permanent frown on her face and would scream if anyone came near her. 

It took many weeks before Nettie would let me come near her and hold her. Even so the frown stayed and it always felt like I was carrying dead weight. Still, every Sunday when I saw her I would run up to her and pick her up. I would hold her through our whole Sunday school service, often getting up with her to lead worship or the story. Sometimes, she would even fall asleep on me. Our relationship was completely one sided, she only tolerated me. 

I’m not really sure when it changed. This whole time I have simply wanted her to feel loved. No child especially one so young should feel so hurt and abandoned. Each time I held her I would comfort her and tell her that I loved her. Slowly, she stopped squirming when I picked her up, and she was content to sit with, and unhappy when I put her down.   

Then this past Saturday something happened that I will remember for the rest of my life.  The sponsorship day Christmas party was at our house that day and all of the children who are sponsored came for it, including Nettie and her brothers. It was her first time in Kampala and I saw Nettie standing to the side looking very overwhelmed. I ran over and picked her up as I always do. I held her as we did registration and she fell asleep on me right away. I debated laying her down inside but I decided to wait a little longer. When the music started she woke up. I remember she started playing with my hair (which I happened to have down that day), and I gave her a big smile. She had never really done anything but sit and I was thrilled that she was playing with my hair. I just kept looking down at her and smiling. And suddenly, her face completely changed. The deep frown, which was the only expression I’d ever seen on this two year old, was gone, and in its place was a beautiful smile. As quickly as it had come it was gone, but my heart had stopped for a moment. I didn’t think that I would ever see this little girl smile; I didn’t know she could smile. Never has a child’s smile brought me so much joy.

 After almost 7 months of loving her she finally knew and understood how much I cared about her, and she was happy about that. Later, that day after she had woken up again I received my second smile, and then one more as I held her before she left. Nettie’s smiles are very brief but they completely change her face, and suddenly you can see just how beautiful this child is. With her huge brown eyes a smile lights her whole face up.

 

The next day was Sunday and we always come to the village on Sundays to teach Sunday school. It was the children’s day here so the kids sang and preformed a Christmas play for the church. I had been in charge of the play and was narrating, so of course Nettie slept on my while I did that. In the afternoon when everyone else went home I stayed in Zirobwe along with one of the other girls. I got to hold her later and again she smiled at me.

Monday, I took it upon myself to scrub her down, do something about all the ringworm growing in her hair, and remove any jiggers that she had. The first two were easy enough. But I had to call one of the other girls to help me remove a jigger from her finger. I have removed a few jiggers from my own feet (they are something that you can’t really escape if it ever rains while you are in the village), but they are easy to take out and not very painful if you get them out before the eggs hatch. The jigger we found on her thumb was very infected and it was huge. I held her; kissed her, and whispered to her while Nahni used a needle to extract the giant jigger sack. It was bigger than her nail and left a deep hole about half the size of her finger. She didn’t cry the whole time. I can only imagine how painful it had been for her.

In moments like those I wish that I could protect her. I don’t want to have to take jiggers out of her fingers and feet. I don’t want her to be hungry all the time because it’s just her and her brothers. I don’t want her to grow up in the situation that she is in. I want to do something about it. Yet, I realize that only God can really protect her. I won’t always be there for her but He will. And for the time that I’ve had with her I have made a difference already. Even if it’s just showing her that she can trust someone and reminding her how to smile. That’s pretty big. And I am so blessed to have been that person who was there to hold her. 

In years to come, when I’m thinking back about my time in Africa, I know that I will think of Nettie and of the first time I saw her smile. Maybe one day, I’ll even get to hear her laugh. It’s something that I’ll most certainly be praying for.

Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Struggles and Joys of Living in Uganda

        Most days are really hard for me. I wake up tired and I go to bed even more exhausted. Each day is a struggle just to get through. Sometimes, I just can’t handle seeing another hungry child but that isn’t something that I can choose to avoid. There are days when I don’t want to laugh or smile because the pain I feel goes so deep. I’ve never been okay with how things are in Uganda or the world really. Every day, I am surrounded by great need and almost always there is nothing I can do about it. That simple fact is what makes each day a little harder. I came to the end of myself a long time ago and now the only thing that keeps me going is the strength of the Lord. I know that this is exactly where I belong, so I won't leave. The truth is, it's because of all of the hard things and struggles that I know I am meant to be here. I don't plan to walk away when no one else can. ;

 So, I forget about yesterday. I stop thinking about tomorrow. Instead, I simply focus on what God has given me today. I hate what I see but I find comfort in knowing that so does God and that He has had a plan in place since the beginning. And while leaning on Him I somehow find a way to open my heart again and reach out in love to those around me. Maybe I won’t be able to do anything against poverty, hunger, disease, pain, death, loneliness, or suffering, but I can walk alongside those who are already fighting these things and maybe I can bring them a little hope. God didn’t call me to Africa to change it, just to love people and humble myself to a place of understanding. So, while it can be very hard to see and feel success in the work I am doing, I know that I am serving my Lord each day and that is enough. 

                I want to tell you a story; a true one. I want to give you a glimpse into my life here and what I see and face each day. This is a story that isn’t finished yet, in fact I only became a part in this story on Friday. It’s a story about one of the families in the village, and a family that the Lord immediately laid on my heart. It was our last day in Zirobwe and we had planned to do some evangelism. To me evangelism simply means that you listen to people, that you open yourself up and are honest with them, that you try to encourage them where they are at, and try and meet any needs that they might have. This last part I feel is really important, because unless you show someone’s Christ’s love and meet their physical needs how can they understand His love and have their spiritual needs filled. I also believe that God brings us to certain people for a reason and He has given us everything we need to bless that person. 

Fred and Sarah

       On Friday we split into small groups and went out and tried to encourage people.  We were eagerly welcomed at the first house by a grandmother and her three grandchildren. She quickly ran inside her mud house and laid out mats for us to sit on and thanked us for coming to her home. She told us all she had to offer us was pineapple and asked us to sit while she prepared it for us. I watched her run around the small house stepping over a hen and its chicks while she searched for a knife to cut the fruit with, and I remember hearing a small whisper telling me that I was at this women’s home for a reason. Soon she began sharing her life with us and about all the struggles that she was dealing with. This woman was the sole caretaker of her three grandchildren and two of her sons who also lived there. She could barely walk on her good days because of extreme pain and swelling in her knees, and on bad days she couldn’t move. Her husband had died years ago and one of her sons had run away leaving her with his three children. The only source of food or income that she had was her garden, which was not ready to provide harvest for them yet. So, the six of them were living off of her youngest (12yrs) son’s earnings. He would spend the day helping dig ditches or working in someone’s field to earn 1,000-2,000 shillings, an equivalent of about 50-70 cents. With this money they were able to buy posho (a kind of flour mixed with water and usually sugar) and water it down to feed all of them. Her eldest grandchild Sarah was fighting malaria and had run out of medicine. In fact the first set of medicine the grandmother had borrowed because she was unable to pay for it, and wouldn’t be able to get more until she had. None of her grandchildren (ages 7, 5, and 4) or her 12 year old son Frank were in school. They didn’t have money for school fees, uniforms, or books and pencils. Both their saucepan and jury-can (a large can you carry water in) had broken. This family was literally living on nothing. I had the chance to share a little of my testimony and how God had healed me and saved me from blindness, and I prayed healing over her. Since this was a family that knew the Lord, we were able to encourage them and just remind them that He is our provider and strength.

Jajja, Me, Frank, Fred, Alowless, and Sarah

I also promised her that I would try and help because I knew that this was why the Lord had brought me to this beautiful family. I told her that I would try and find sponsors for the four children who needed to go to school. I already knew them from seeing them at Sunday school and Sarah was already very close to my heart. I had known for a while that I was meant to sponsor a child and had just been waiting for the Lord to show me which one. I knew that 7 year old Sarah was the one I had been waiting for. I knew that the Lord already had people who He wanted to sponsor, Frank (12 years), Fred (5 years), and little Alowless (4 years). I also was aware that God had blessed me the previous month with more than I needed to cover my monthly costs. I had been waiting for Him to tell me what it was for, and I immediately knew that it was for food and medicine for this family. See God always knows exactly what is going on in our lives, but what we often forget is that He wants to use us to bless others. He gives to us so that we may give to others. I had a chance to be a part of blessing this family and I was completely honored!

Yesterday, I went out and bought food, medicine, a saucepan, a jury-can so that I would be able to bring them to the village after church. Unfortunately, after getting sick last night I wasn’t feeling up to the long drive and asked my friend Hannah to bring it to them today. I was surprisingly alright with it. Of course, I wanted to be there. But it really isn’t something that was ever about me. I am just so glad that they were able to see that God provides for our needs. 

Here are some pictures of the family. If you would like to sponsor one of the children, please let me know! As soon as we get these children on the sponsorship list I will give you more information about it. Hopefully, in the next couple of days. But again, feel free to message me if you have any questions. 

Alowless- 4 years old

Sarah- 7 years old

Fred- 5 years old

Family portrait!

So, thank you to all of you who are supporting me, financially and through prayer, without you I wouldn’t be able to serve and love those around me. You are all a part of what God is doing here.