A Time to Wait

I like to always be doing something; a fact which I doubt would surprise anyone who knows me. I would much rather be following my heart or stepping out in faith than waiting patiently for something to happen. I can be patient, but it isn’t a word that I would quickly use to describe myself.

The last couple weeks I can honestly say that I haven’t been patient. At the beginning of the new year I had plans, dreams, and ideas about what I would be doing, how long it would take, and how I saw it all working out. I’m a dreamer, I get excited and passionate about the dreams that I have. I’ve never been afraid to step out in faith, to trust God to come through, or to make sacrifices. But I also get discouraged easily when I have to wait or when things change. In the past months I’ve grown a lot in these areas, but I certainly a long ways to go.

I can’t stand to waste time. I have to be doing something. I want to be in the village serving the children, spending time with God, building stronger relationships with the people around me. I can always do more; I always should be doing more. This is how my mind works. It’s is not the best mind set and can be a very draining one. It mostly comes from living in a third world country. Seeing the depth and greatness of the need here and wanting to give myself wholly to what God is doing here. The problem comes when I feel as if I am not doing enough or exactly what I should be doing. Yes, I live in Uganda. Yes, I go to projects and work with and serve children every day. But this is so far from ALL that I want to do. And often I want to do so much more than I am currently doing.

It’s a bit of good and bad really. As soon as God speaks I am moving because I am constantly listening for His voice, but if I’m waiting for Him to speak and I feel as if I should already be moving it creates frustration. If I had the choice I would be living in a village without any electricity, plumbing, or civilization. I would be living each day with the people, children, and community around me. There are so many dreams that I know will come into fruition in the years to come but the time just isn’t right yet.

I don’t really know why (the frustrating part), that I need to wait right now. Why I feel so passionately about things that I can’t accomplish right now. But these are things that I know God has placed in my future and will happen. It is just that often times I feel so strongly about them, I don’t want to wait until the timing is right. I want to be doing everything that God has for me and be as useful to the Lord as I can be. At the same time, I know that I am doing what God has for me today, and that I am most useful to the Lord when I trust Him in all circumstances. If I try to rush the plans that He has for me then I will not only miss a lot of what I am supposed to learn and do, but I will also not see things work out the way that I want them too.

It really comes down to choosing each day to be content with what God has for me and rejoicing in that moment. It means trusting Him to lead me when it’s right for me to go. It means still keeping my dreams alive but finding joy while I wait for them to happen. It means giving up my control, my desires, and what I think should be happening, and instead walking under His control, desires, and what He wants to happen. I believe that I will one day be exactly where my heart longs to be, but it won’t be on my own doing and it won’t be until the Lord leads me there. Until then, I will look to Him daily for direction and learn to be patient when it means waiting. Waiting doesn’t mean that I am not doing anything, just that I am doing something very specific; sitting at His feet, eyes on Him, hands raised, alive in that very place.