She Trusts Me!

I came to Zirobwe on my first day in Uganda, and I fell in love with this place right then. It would be hard not to love the people here, the children, the community, the hot days, beautiful green landscape, and blue skies. These are all things that I am immersed in while in Zirobwe, and I could easily be happy here the rest of my life. The longer I spend in Zirobwe the more and the stronger are the relationships that I build grow. I frequently take long walks around the village going to visit different families that I have gotten to know well. And even though I am nowhere close to knowing all of the children’s names (I still meet new ones all the time) I have put so many names to their faces.

One of the families that I know consists of three boys and a girl, and sometimes their father. They lost their mother earlier this summer before I came. The father is often away and when he is home he can be abusive. When I met these children they had just become sponsored and they were getting ready to go to school for the first time in their lives. The oldest boy was 11 and taking care of his three younger siblings, the youngest of which was not even two. He used to always carry her everywhere and she would cry when he put her down. None of the four children smiled much; in fact it was clear that they were struggling with the recent passing of their mother. The youngest Nettie always had a permanent frown on her face and would scream if anyone came near her. 

It took many weeks before Nettie would let me come near her and hold her. Even so the frown stayed and it always felt like I was carrying dead weight. Still, every Sunday when I saw her I would run up to her and pick her up. I would hold her through our whole Sunday school service, often getting up with her to lead worship or the story. Sometimes, she would even fall asleep on me. Our relationship was completely one sided, she only tolerated me. 

I’m not really sure when it changed. This whole time I have simply wanted her to feel loved. No child especially one so young should feel so hurt and abandoned. Each time I held her I would comfort her and tell her that I loved her. Slowly, she stopped squirming when I picked her up, and she was content to sit with, and unhappy when I put her down.   

Then this past Saturday something happened that I will remember for the rest of my life.  The sponsorship day Christmas party was at our house that day and all of the children who are sponsored came for it, including Nettie and her brothers. It was her first time in Kampala and I saw Nettie standing to the side looking very overwhelmed. I ran over and picked her up as I always do. I held her as we did registration and she fell asleep on me right away. I debated laying her down inside but I decided to wait a little longer. When the music started she woke up. I remember she started playing with my hair (which I happened to have down that day), and I gave her a big smile. She had never really done anything but sit and I was thrilled that she was playing with my hair. I just kept looking down at her and smiling. And suddenly, her face completely changed. The deep frown, which was the only expression I’d ever seen on this two year old, was gone, and in its place was a beautiful smile. As quickly as it had come it was gone, but my heart had stopped for a moment. I didn’t think that I would ever see this little girl smile; I didn’t know she could smile. Never has a child’s smile brought me so much joy.

 After almost 7 months of loving her she finally knew and understood how much I cared about her, and she was happy about that. Later, that day after she had woken up again I received my second smile, and then one more as I held her before she left. Nettie’s smiles are very brief but they completely change her face, and suddenly you can see just how beautiful this child is. With her huge brown eyes a smile lights her whole face up.

 

The next day was Sunday and we always come to the village on Sundays to teach Sunday school. It was the children’s day here so the kids sang and preformed a Christmas play for the church. I had been in charge of the play and was narrating, so of course Nettie slept on my while I did that. In the afternoon when everyone else went home I stayed in Zirobwe along with one of the other girls. I got to hold her later and again she smiled at me.

Monday, I took it upon myself to scrub her down, do something about all the ringworm growing in her hair, and remove any jiggers that she had. The first two were easy enough. But I had to call one of the other girls to help me remove a jigger from her finger. I have removed a few jiggers from my own feet (they are something that you can’t really escape if it ever rains while you are in the village), but they are easy to take out and not very painful if you get them out before the eggs hatch. The jigger we found on her thumb was very infected and it was huge. I held her; kissed her, and whispered to her while Nahni used a needle to extract the giant jigger sack. It was bigger than her nail and left a deep hole about half the size of her finger. She didn’t cry the whole time. I can only imagine how painful it had been for her.

In moments like those I wish that I could protect her. I don’t want to have to take jiggers out of her fingers and feet. I don’t want her to be hungry all the time because it’s just her and her brothers. I don’t want her to grow up in the situation that she is in. I want to do something about it. Yet, I realize that only God can really protect her. I won’t always be there for her but He will. And for the time that I’ve had with her I have made a difference already. Even if it’s just showing her that she can trust someone and reminding her how to smile. That’s pretty big. And I am so blessed to have been that person who was there to hold her. 

In years to come, when I’m thinking back about my time in Africa, I know that I will think of Nettie and of the first time I saw her smile. Maybe one day, I’ll even get to hear her laugh. It’s something that I’ll most certainly be praying for.

Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Defining Ourselves

            We’ve all heard the proverb that “actions speak louder than words.”  I would agree with that, but I also think that your heart speaks louder than your actions. You can do a great many good things in your life but what you do does not define you. Who you are defines every aspect of your life, including what you do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m doing here in Uganda. See I’ve always loved “doing” for and “serving” people. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself, and that I’m using my time well and not wasting it on things that don’t matter. I always want to bring a smile to the face of someone who has had a hard day, who is in a rough season, or has been fighting their whole life. Knowing that I’ve made a difference makes me feel important in that moment. But something I’ve realized is this; I will always be disappointed in what I can do. I can never do enough. I will always make mistakes and miss opportunities to do something. And there will be days when I am bitter towards giving again. If I let what I do define me, then more often I would not be able to sleep at night. Whether we are doing things for God, for others, or for ourselves, we can never do enough to always be confident and pleased with ourselves. And let’s be honest, what can we do without God? Not much.

                So, instead of focusing on what I can or cannot do, I want to choose to concentrate on who I am. It isn’t easy. If I’m honest there are some things that I can see growth in and a lot that I can’t. I still feel very young and overwhelmed by what I see every day. I have fears and doubts and so many imperfections, just like everyone else. I have moments when I am strong and other times that I feel so weak.  The truth is there is a lot about me that I wish I wasn’t.  But no matter what my faults are God sees me as His beloved and wants me just as I am. When you stop and look at yourself the way He does it makes all the difference.  I know that He sees my heart, something that I often can’t see or understand very well, and that He is pleased with me. So, when I look at myself again, I begin to see why He loves me. I am His daughter and He sees growing in these things, in love, in patience, in joy, in determination, in generosity, in hope, in faith, in confidence, in peace, in obedience, in humbleness, in strength, in wisdom, in compassion, in mercy. And as your child grows you are always proud of them. He knows that no matter how many times I fall short that I won’t give up. He sees how deeply I feel the pain, loneliness, and needs of others and how I genuinely want to help and meet everyone where they are. Compassion is a heavy burden and one that always seems to keep growing.  Maybe that is what defines me, my heart for others. I would do or give up anything to be able to show someone Christ’s love and let them know that they are seen. If that is who I am then I can be happy knowing that the desire to love will overflow into my life and bless those around me. What I do doesn’t matter as much as truly being myself and allowing my heart to keep reaching out in love.

“True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy. That is why we must pray and ask for the courage to love.”   --Mother Teresa

This Is Life

Do you have a minute to listen?


            I’m sure you’ve heard that life is hard in Africa. That poverty, AIDS, and disease thrive here. It’s true. It is also a long way away from your nice, warm, safe, and comfortable home. Which makes it easier for you to ignore and forget about. But don’t. Please, remember that what you hear is real. Africa is a real place, full of real people. You might be able to live your life unaffected by these countries far away, but I don't have that choice. I live in Uganda.

How do you respond when there is a great need, everywhere? The children that you see are all hungry. Many of them not going to school or dropping out because they can’t afford to pay the fees. When you hear the children's dreams  to become pilots and doctors and teachers and know that hardly any of them will ever get close to their dreams. There are broken families, abused children, and poverty, everywhere. What do you do? Do you say “no” to the child who asks you for food, or shoes, or help? And what if there is always more than one child who really needs you?

I want to share a story with you. Not to make you feel guilty about your life but to encourage you. Life is hard, but you are still blessed. 

There is a girl who attends one of the schools I visit each week. We have become good friends. This is her story, just as she told it to me. 

“One day the police came to our home in the village. It was morning. The police beat my father very badly and wouldn’t stop. But beating him wasn’t enough, so they took him away. We don’t know what happened to him. Then one day they came back to our house and told my grandmother and aunt that my father was dead. I will never forget that day. I was only in Top Class, 5 years old. I was there and I keep asking myself why did the police come and beat my father in such a bad way. Why did they cause my father’s death? They made my mother suffer and she left. We had no way to raise ourselves above being poor. So, she went to Kampala to try and find a way to provide for us, but there is not enough money. While I was in the village I didn’t not go to school for 4 years. My aunt did not want me to go to school. When I was home working for them and taking care of the children I was not allowed to study. They were afraid that I would become smarter than them and they didn’t want me above them. No one could tell on them because they didn’t know that I was abused, and no one could take me away from their house. Who else would have taken care of their hens and pig? When my mother came back from the city she didn’t like how I was being treated. She told me I was going with her that day. When my aunt heard this she hurt my mother, it was very painful to watch. I was still young.  They tried to make me stay. But I told them that my mother and I were leaving for the city. My brother was now living in the city and we found him. This was in 2007. My mother started looking for a school and found this one. I started in Primary One. That same year the old house we were renting fell on me and broke my left hand. My mother wasn’t around so the neighbors took me to the hospital. I had a hard term because I couldn’t do well on my exams. It was a hard time for me but God helped me and my hand healed. I repeated Primary One.  I met a girl in my class and we became best friends. I know that God saved me, and even though we are poor I know that I am okay.”

I’ve known this girl for months now. She is now in Primary Six.  I see her twice a week. We write to each other. She usually gives me at least two or three letters every time I see her. Already, I love her dearly.  I can help with her school fees. I can pray with her. I can write to her and encourage her. I can make her smile and even laugh sometimes. She is one of the reasons that I am so thankful to be in Uganda. I have the chance to make a difference in her life. Not because I can change her life, but just by being a part of her life. I remind her of God’s love for her and the great plans that He has just for her. I can share my story of how God changed my life and all that I’ve seen Him do. I can laugh with her and show her that there are people who care about her. I can simply love her as I know Christ loves her.

She is just one girl that I know. There are so many others. I see hundreds of children every week. Some of their stories I know, many I don’t. I cannot help all of them. In fact, I can only reach out to a few, but I know that God see each one of them. He has plans to help all of them So, please, please, don’t forget about these children. Lift them up in your prayers. Find a way to help. You can sponsor a child, send clothes, pay for their food, you can write to a child. I get about 10-20 letters each week from children at one of the schools I go to. You can also support me so that I can give to the children around me who are in need. I often take food or things like soap, shoes, and medicine to those who I know are in desperate need. Feel free to email me with any questions. My email is shannonlundberg@yahoo.com

You can make a difference in a child’s life. You just have to choose do something.

Love Notes

I believe that God leaves us little notes, love notes per-say to remind us that He loves us. It’s the small things that make you feel loved, valued, and cared about. For me, it’s often the small prayers I say, ones that really have no importance in them that show me just how much God is paying attention to me and how well he knows me. So often He answers me even when it’s only a simple request of something I’d like, but could do very well without. It’s clear that He is answering me not because I need Him to, but because He wants me to know how much He loves me. 

                When I say a prayer asking for warm water, I always have hot water to shower in. Definitely something I don’t need. I can shower with cold water; I do it all the time. But on those days that I’m tired and seeking a little comfort, knowing that God has given me warm water is more than enough.

           
       Sometimes, when we boil our drinking water it doesn’t taste good. It’s clean and drinkable but tastes bad. There are times that I can only drink so much sour water with bugs and lots of other things floating in it. I really just want clean and refreshing water. This just happened the other night. I was so thirsty but I couldn’t bring myself to drink anymore of that unpleasant tasting water. I didn’t want to have to buy water the next day, so I said a prayer just asking God that the new water we boiled would taste better. Obviously, not something I need, and it was something that I felt kind of funny asking for. I man I have clean water to drink here and I was asking for water that tasted good too. So, the next morning when I went to fill up my water bottle not only did the water taste good but it was ice cold. I absolutely love cold water.  It blew my mind that once again God heard me and decided to bless me in a way that would let me know that He was thinking of me.

There are so many other ways that my God is always surprising me, leaving me little signs and reminding me of how much He cares for and loves me. He knows all of those small things that bring me joy and make me feel so loved, and He loves to proclaim His love for me.