Reflections and Plans

     I've spent a lot of time reflecting on and searching myself this past year, and through all that thinking I'm starting to understand myself a little better. I see things differently. I don't agree with or follow the world's expectations. I don't really have any interest in the "American Dream". I don't want the same kind of life the most people do or think is right and successful. I don't have any intentions of living a normal life or doing the expected. Instead of dreaming of what I want, I dream of what I can give. I believe in the impossible. And as much as I love Redding I don't plan on settling down here, or anywhere in the states. It might sound strange that at eighteen I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but the truth is I've known what comes next for four years. Each day, each year, it's just gotten a little clearer and a little more real. It's not some distant future anymore, the time is here.
     Last year I went to Africa, and it was if a timer started ticking away, right then. After that trip I knew that I wouldn't be calling Redding home much longer. We all have "Ah Ha" moments, and Gabon was one of those moments for me. It was as if I suddenly put two and two together and realized that I was the same person as the one who's future I was waiting for, and I should be living that life now.  And through that revelation God started equipping, preparing, and teaching me how to be ready to go. I've known for a long time that I would be going and that in going I was being sent somewhere; I've just been waiting for that Voice to say "Go". Well, I've been told to go, and I'm going. I don't think I was expecting it to be so soon, but it just shows how well God knows my heart because I don't know if I could wait any longer. This summer I'll be heading back to Gabon for two months and then heading to Uganda for eight to twelve months. I know that this trip will be the one that opens the door to a life and purpose overseas, and I couldn't be more excited.
      I am certainly a different person than I was even just a year ago; I'm not afraid of the unknown anymore, disappointing people, speaking up, or stepping out in faith. I have been in the unknown before and I was looked after and blessed. I have realized that people's opinions are nothing compared to being in the will of the Father. I have found that not only do I have a voice but it's important, because God has given it and placed me accordingly. And I always want to being living from faith because that is when I am looking to God for direction and relying completely on Him. I don't know if I would say that I'm anymore confident in myself, but my trust in God has grown greatly, and through that I am confident and sure. I know that I am ready for this next season in my life and I can't wait to see it continue to unfold.
     It's really is amazing how you can look back on your life and everything makes sense, like each piece of the puzzle fitting together perfectly. God can and will use everything for good. If I'm being completely honest I could tell you that I've always known that this place wasn't my home; that I was meant to be something more than just a normal girl. I've always known that I was meant for something different; that I wasn't meant to stay here and that this wasn't going to be my life. That knowledge in the past has made me often feel alone, or made me want to pull back into myself. Sometimes even made me uncomfortable when others would talk about the future and make plans for us, because how do you tell someone you won't be there. I know now that these were all little things that prepared me for today; I never expected to hold onto anything so I am ready to let it all go. The truth is that God has bigger plans for us than we could ever imagine or understand, and long ago I accept those plans for my life.

Psalm 117

 ¹ Praise the LORD, all you nations;
   extol him, all you peoples.
² For great is his love toward us,
   and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.    

   Praise the LORD.