Beginning Of New Things

 One week is all it took for me to fall in love with them completely. One week of caring for them for me to realize that my life is bound to theirs. One week to begin to understand more about God's plan for my life, than maybe I've understood the whole time I've been here. I'm not surprised though. When God wants to speak, it's always life changing and usually happens in a moment. Moments that reach to the very deepest part of your heart and stay there.

A good story always has a beginning, so I'll start there. In the village Zirobwe there are four children who live alone. Syrous is 11, Jophasi 7, Ronnie 5, and Nerima is 3 years old. Their mother passed away almost two years ago. Their father is neglects them, is abusive, and is hardly ever there. He has other families in other village and takes food and clothes from his children to his other families. So, Syrous takes care of them all.

When I met these children in July they were all as equally miserable as they were malnourished. They never played with the other children. They never talked. They never smiled. Syrus carried Nettie on his back everywhere and they always watched from a distanced. On Sundays at Sunday school I began to take Nettie from Syrous (screaming of course) and hold her until we finished the program. As the months passed the children slowly started participating more and occasionally one of them would smile (the older three only). Nettie stopped screaming when I held her and started falling asleep on me each week. Then came the day in December when Nettie smiled at me for the first time. That was the day when I realized that God was restoring these children's lives and that I was somehow involved. I fell in love with Nettie and started dreaming of the first time I would hear her laugh and talk, of when I would see her running around playing with other children, of when I'd get to dance with her. I prayed over her future and my heart burned for justice in her life. Two weeks ago, I heard her laugh and I saw her playing for the first time. I praised God for these unexpected milestones.

Then last Sunday we brought all four children to our house in Kampala. They will be going to boarding school here and so they had interviews at their school. They stayed in my room and I took care of them for four days. I gave them baths. I fed them three times a day. I took them to the medical clinic twice and held a screaming Nettie down as they took jiggers out of her feet. I arranged for Syrous to have a tooth pulled. I played with them. I disciplined them. I showed them how to use a toilet and then cleaned up the floors when they didn't understand. I sang them to sleep. I stayed up late to wash their dirty and soiled clothes. I held their hands as when we visited their school. I scrubbed floors and mattresses more times than I can count. I made sure they were dressed and clean every morning. That they took their medicine three times a day. That their teeth were brushed and they were under their mosquito net each night. I held Nettie each night as she coughed and crawled all over me. The days were hard and long and I never got enough sleep. I was taking care of four children who have been on their own for two years. Who haven't had parenting or discipline. Who have been through more than a child should ever go through. Who speak a completely different language then I do. Overnight, I became their mother, we became a team. I often got frustrated (at myself mostly), but I had help though from two of the other MST's, and I always went to bed thankful for the day.

Within the first few hours of being home Sunday all of the children were smiling and laughing. Nettie was suddenly speaking full sentences to me (she doesn't really talk to anyone else yet:). She had kissed me and told me she loved me multiple times. In fact, over four short days I saw these children open up, talk, and play, in ways that I've only dreamed of. Now instead of just thinking about Nettie, I was thinking about what the future holds for all of them. They are a family and should never be broken apart. I have just realized that I want to be a part of it. Once you've become a mother you don't simple stop being one; even if your children don't really belong to you. Syrous, Jophasi, Ronnie, and Nettie, have always truly belonged to God and He has been taking care of them long before I ever arrived. And I have no doubt that He will continue to do what is best for them.

 I know that I will be a part of their future. If that includes adopting the four of them, than I would gladly accept that responsibility and beautiful blessing. The truth is, adoption seems impossible right now. They still have a father who comes around sometimes. I am single and only about to turn 20. All things that hold me back from adopting them. But I'm not in a rush, I will be around for a long time. I don't need official proof, I'm meant to be their mother. Nothing will change how much I love them already. Everything else is up to God. I know He has a plan and that I can trust them to Him. Maybe I'm not ready to take them now. Maybe they aren't. Probably none of us are. The truth is I am at complete peace regarding our futures. All I am thinking about is today. Soon they will be at boarding school here in Kampala and I will be visiting them every weekend. It will be the best thing for them and I will still be a part of their lives.

I used to wish that I could change things for them. That they had two loving parents, and that they could finally be children like the deserve. But what this last week has taught me is, that God has the same plans for them and started this journey a long time ago.

 Just a few weeks ago, I was struggling to find the patience I needed. I had no idea what God was doing or why I was meant to stay in Kampala. The year seemed unclear and lacked a direct purpose. Funny, how quickly things can change. But God is always faithful, His timing is always right, and things have only just begun...

He Always Answers

I'm having a hard time keeping time straight here and I never know which day it is. It seems like I've  I've been gone for a very long time and yet I've only arrived. I am already missing so many of you back home, even though it has only been 5 days. But God is good and faithful.

God uses everything to draw us closer to Him, if we let Him. Selfishly, I want that to be the reason behind all of this. Him wanting me to draw closer to Him. But I know that this is about so much more than me. It isn't easy though. I know that my time in Ensenada is a chance for me to fall even deeper into His arms and I know that I will need Him to get through this time as well. After all, He is my Strength, my Comforter, and my Trust. It is Him who I will learn to lean on for each and every day.
It isn't that I doubt where I'm supposed to be. Or that I don't like it here. In fact I do. It's hard to explain but I just can't seem to find peace here. I am restless. I feel like my heart is already in Africa and as much as I try to find it here, I can't. It seems as if here I am only able to access my strength, my love, my joy, instead of His strength, love, and joy. It isn't enough and I know that. I can feel the difference and it hurts because I want to be alive here as well. I want to be present and useful to Him here in Mexico. I want to be doing His work because I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now, but I just can't seem to find myself here.

I keep calling out to God, asking for answers. His answer is always the same, "I am here." Which means that He is with me and that I can lean on Him. It also means that I have to trust Him with Africa while He is asking me to wait in Mexico. So, starting tonight, I let go of all that I'm waiting for. I want to see Him here, and if I am looking towards that future I'll miss Him because He is a God who is at work today. Which means that He is at work in Mexico and is waiting for me to ask to be a part of it. That means that I need to start each morning on my knees asking for His heart for Mexico, for today, for these people, for His children, for His mission here, for His never ending love and compassion. I want to feel His burning love here just as I do for the people of Africa. I want to laugh each day as I see His plans unfold and come to serve alongside His missionaries here. I want to end each day in prayer, praying over this country, over those I've worked with, for His kingdom to come here, for His blessings to pour out over these people.

I know that I won't leave Mexico until He calls me to leave and I am content to wait for that call. I don't need to keep asking when it will come. I know when it will come. When His work and mine is done here. So, with His heart for this place, I will rejoice that I am meant to stay here and that I have a chance to share His love with His most beloved children here in Mexico. I am so honored that He has asked and trusted me to serve here and given me a the opportunity to see His kingdom come in Mexico. Tonight, I will go to sleep completely at peace for the first time since I arrived in Mexico, excited for tomorrow to come and not wanting to be anywhere else.

Trusting God for Tomorrow

     There are very few people who I trust completely, but I trust God more than I trust myself. Which is a really good thing, because we don't always have the same plans or ideas and we definitely don't have the same timing (I like everything to be done yesterday and He always works in a way that shows His glory, i.e. much later than I am usually comfortable with). In fact it's only because I trust Him so much that I can walk or sometimes jump into the unknown. But that is how it should be. The fact is that Africa has always been His plan for my life and not mine. Yes, I am on board now but He is still leading the way, and that's how I want it to stay.

     In the past five months (since He told me to "Go") He has provided for my every need and in ways that I never could have imagined. It is so comforting to know that I do not have to worry about today let alone tomorrow because He has already made a way. Five months ago I needed about $20,000 to go to Gabon and Uganda for about a year and a half. Through the generosity of others I've been able to buy my tickets (4 tickets actually) and send off for my visas. What has been amazing for me is seeing how God works. He could easily have had given me everything at the very beginning but instead I've have experienced more support and love then ever before. Because honestly, it isn't about the money, what God is doing is a lot bigger. This isn't even about me really, again God's plan is much bigger. I am just someone who is going, God is the one who is doing everything.

     This has been my mindset for the last few months, I've been surprisingly worry free (you'd think I'd be freaking out) and have had so much peace the whole time. I know God will provide for today and when tomorrow comes He will provide for that, what could I have to worry over? Today, is April 24th. A month from now I'll be flying to Gabon, Africa. Today, is also the day when I need to pay for all of the expenses regarding the Gabon part of my trip. That is $2,700. Well, today is here and I am waiting expectantly on God to show up and provide in His perfect way. I'm not worried, $2,700 is nothing for God. I'm actually excited, I can't wait to see how God works!!


     If you'd like to be a part of my journey to Africa and support me, click the Donate Through The Stirring page under the banner.

Reflections and Plans

     I've spent a lot of time reflecting on and searching myself this past year, and through all that thinking I'm starting to understand myself a little better. I see things differently. I don't agree with or follow the world's expectations. I don't really have any interest in the "American Dream". I don't want the same kind of life the most people do or think is right and successful. I don't have any intentions of living a normal life or doing the expected. Instead of dreaming of what I want, I dream of what I can give. I believe in the impossible. And as much as I love Redding I don't plan on settling down here, or anywhere in the states. It might sound strange that at eighteen I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but the truth is I've known what comes next for four years. Each day, each year, it's just gotten a little clearer and a little more real. It's not some distant future anymore, the time is here.
     Last year I went to Africa, and it was if a timer started ticking away, right then. After that trip I knew that I wouldn't be calling Redding home much longer. We all have "Ah Ha" moments, and Gabon was one of those moments for me. It was as if I suddenly put two and two together and realized that I was the same person as the one who's future I was waiting for, and I should be living that life now.  And through that revelation God started equipping, preparing, and teaching me how to be ready to go. I've known for a long time that I would be going and that in going I was being sent somewhere; I've just been waiting for that Voice to say "Go". Well, I've been told to go, and I'm going. I don't think I was expecting it to be so soon, but it just shows how well God knows my heart because I don't know if I could wait any longer. This summer I'll be heading back to Gabon for two months and then heading to Uganda for eight to twelve months. I know that this trip will be the one that opens the door to a life and purpose overseas, and I couldn't be more excited.
      I am certainly a different person than I was even just a year ago; I'm not afraid of the unknown anymore, disappointing people, speaking up, or stepping out in faith. I have been in the unknown before and I was looked after and blessed. I have realized that people's opinions are nothing compared to being in the will of the Father. I have found that not only do I have a voice but it's important, because God has given it and placed me accordingly. And I always want to being living from faith because that is when I am looking to God for direction and relying completely on Him. I don't know if I would say that I'm anymore confident in myself, but my trust in God has grown greatly, and through that I am confident and sure. I know that I am ready for this next season in my life and I can't wait to see it continue to unfold.
     It's really is amazing how you can look back on your life and everything makes sense, like each piece of the puzzle fitting together perfectly. God can and will use everything for good. If I'm being completely honest I could tell you that I've always known that this place wasn't my home; that I was meant to be something more than just a normal girl. I've always known that I was meant for something different; that I wasn't meant to stay here and that this wasn't going to be my life. That knowledge in the past has made me often feel alone, or made me want to pull back into myself. Sometimes even made me uncomfortable when others would talk about the future and make plans for us, because how do you tell someone you won't be there. I know now that these were all little things that prepared me for today; I never expected to hold onto anything so I am ready to let it all go. The truth is that God has bigger plans for us than we could ever imagine or understand, and long ago I accept those plans for my life.

Psalm 117

 ¹ Praise the LORD, all you nations;
   extol him, all you peoples.
² For great is his love toward us,
   and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.    

   Praise the LORD.

Some Thoughts...

 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?

 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

-Romans 8:24-25

There is so much that I wish I could change, about world, how people think, how we live, but really I can only change those things in me. I can choose to give and do everything I can to make the world a better place; a place without hunger, sickness, death, and judgement, but love, hope, compassion, and generosity. It's not easy to live in a third world country, but I've found that it's even harder to come back from one. I've been home for ten days and each day it has only gotten harder to justify how we live, and how I live. When I go to sleep at night I know that I've wasted another day and wish that I could change that. It's not enough for me to just go through life being nice to and helping people. My life is supposed be SO much more than that. I want to fully give myself again to serving people who others overlook, to making someone smile who has been mistreated and abused, and to encourage and bring hope to those who have nothing else to live on. I want to make a difference and be part of something bigger here just like I was in Africa. Yes, I really, really, miss Africa; the work, the people, and the Hope House children, but it didn't end there. And like what I was doing in Africa didn't stop neither do I want what God is doing in and through me to stop. It is harder here to live every moment with purpose but I feel like if you can, you bless SO many people. I want use everything that I've learned through struggles and blessings and fight with all the strength that I've gained. I will continue to serve, love, and support what I was a part in Africa. In fact, God has already given me so many dreams of what He can do with me here in America for them. But it's not just about Africa anymore, I back here and I know God wants to use me where I am as well. I want to serve, love, and support my community as well. Because, looking around the brokenhearted, hopeless, and abused people are everywhere. I want this year to be everything that God can make it, and I know that is so much. So, while I'll look back on my trip with a little sadness knowing it's over, I am looking forward with so much joy and excitement! Because, nothing is really over, it's all just beginning! And as I remember a few of my favorite passages from the Bible I know nothing can stop what God is going to do, for I am called according to His purpose and nothing can stand against Him (Romans 8:28&31).

 

Before, I ended this blog I wanted to share a few of my favorite pictures of my time at Hope House and of the precious children. 

 

 I also want to encourage and ask you to help by supporting them. Because they are not supported by the government the only think that keeps the Hope House going and gives all the children a home is the generosity and support is us, their christian family. I'd would love to give you to all the opportunity to be a part of what they are doing at Hope House, because God is certainly there!

If you'd like to donate, this a link through the Christian Missionary Alliance's online giving to the Hope House. Thank you all!!

Supporting Hope House 

Love,

Shannon