Behold, O Lord, You Know It All

  Psalms 139:1-6

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

We forget who we are so easily; we lose sight of the dreams that we once had, we settle for wherever we are, and we let go of the things that we had dared to hope for.  But God doesn’t. He has always seen us for who we truly are. In fact He saw as that way before we were born, He sees us that way today, and will continue to see us that way for the rest of eternity. We may become doubtful of our identity or our calling but He knows us better than we will ever know ourselves and He delights in us. We may be distracted from what is really happening in us but He sees all and is aware of every breath we take. Nothing could ever make Him forget us.

Here in Uganda it’s easy to get caught up in a number of things; the children, the projects we are doing, what I see happening around me, what I wish I could change, the many I want to help, what I need to be doing today, where I’ll be tomorrow. I find that I am often distracted.  Either I am doing something or I am thinking about something. I can’t seem to push the future far enough away from my mind, it’s always there threatening to invade and consume my thoughts. This means that sometimes I don’t realize that God has already been answering my prayers, dreams, and fulfilling His promises to me. While I am looking off into the distance, He has come and acted in the present.

                Long ago, I knew that I was meant to be a teacher. That this was what God was calling me to, it was a part of who He created me to be. But lately I have been focusing on the missionary and mothering part of my calling and I forgot that part of me was missing. While both of these parts are also very important they are only two of the things that God has called me to. And while I had let this passion for teaching slip away, it was still part of God’s heart for me. He didn’t forget that He had placed it in my heart.

                Last week we had the opportunity to teach at one of the primary schools here. At first I didn’t think anything of it, in fact it wasn’t until I got home that day that I understood why I was overwhelmed with joy and peace. I had finally had the chance to teach in a school, and I loved it. It felt so right and as if that dream that I had long ago finally came into fruition. Since then I’ve had the opportunity to teach twice more, and I’ve fallen even more in love with it. I can’t really describe why I find so much happiness in teaching, but it feels sort of like finally being home. Which doesn’t fully make sense, after all I am halfway across the world from my earthly home, but maybe that sense of peace and familiarity comes from it long being a part of me. 

               

                  God is fulfilling all of His promises to me and He will always know me better than I can ever hope to understand myself. He will never let me forget who I am; the dreams He gave me, where He is leading me, or what I have dared to hope for.