Our Pursuit

In our pursuit to know God more what is it that we are searching for? And are we waiting for something to happen or are we allowing each day to change us? Do our lives look different because we know Christ and are living for Him? I often ask myself these questions and I'm not sure that I have the right answers, but I know that I will continue to search out His truth and I know that one day I will be with the one I am seeking. 

First, I have to ask myself honestly, am I on a journey to know God more? To me this simply means that I desire to being walking towards the Lord and that I would rather see, hear, and serve Him more than I wish to see, hear, or serve myself. Is this the case every moment, maybe not, I struggle every day. But even though I lose focus sometimes my heart still yearns for Him and I will continue to seek Him through the end of all things. If I ask myself what I would want most in life, the answer is clear and unvarying, I want Christ. I have found that earthly pleasures do not last and bring no joy or peace, yet the love of Christ lasts through eternity and brings complete joy and peace. Why would I spend my life searching after anything less than truth and why would I choose to serve anyone other than my Savior? I give my life to know Christ and to be changed by His great love and to be filled by His uncontainable joy.

I don’t believe that we are just waiting for Christ’s return. Nor do I think that each day doesn’t matter. If God didn’t have something for you to do then you wouldn’t be on this earth. If you still wake with breath in your lungs then God is not finished with you. It is simple to wait for the future, it is easy to remember the past, but it is harder to live in the present. Instead of looking towards what is ahead of you, we should be a part of Christ’s work here on earth today. And often He begins with changing you. How can we expect to serve Christ when we have not surrendered our whole lives to Him? If we don’t allow God to change us each day than how can He draw us closer to Him? I know that God has really been working in my life through the past few years and has changed me as I’ve grown closer to Him. But at the same time I know that I have a long journey ahead of me and I and my reflection often looks more like me than like my Savior. There are many things that I can feel the Lord chipping away at and refining so that I do not stand in the way of His perfection.

If I could learn to have a humble heart and unwavering willingness to love and serve every person that I see, than I would know that I have finally begun to follow Christ unconditionally. Living in a third world country has taught me that you can always go farther and do more to love than you thought you could. And while I try to live my life out of a servant’s heart and with generosity, I fall so short each day. My pride and competitiveness get in the way so often and I ignore the voice that is telling me to be humble and to simply love. Simply love. Such and basic and beautiful idea but so much harder to grasp onto and live out. I want that to be my life, full God, truth, love, compassion, and humbleness. We are changed from the inside out and I believe that this is a lifelong practice. I won’t change overnight, but if I follow Christ then each day I will become a little less self-serving.

Yes, my life is different than the average person that you might meet in a coffee shop or at the gym, but my life is far from as unusual as it could be and I believe will be some day. Just putting my education on hold and moving to Uganda for two years isn’t anything special or radical, but choosing to live my life solely for others can be. This is only the beginning of my walk with Christ and I know that my journey is far from over. In fact, this might be one of the moments that I look back on and think “wow, I really had it easy and normal back then.”  Life can be rough but when you are in God’s will and are trusting in His goodness, you receive more joy and peace than if you had been in control the whole time. I’d follow to the ends of the earth if He asked me and I’m not quite sure that He won’t, but wherever I am I hope that I am living my life differently and that God is being glorified. My life is pretty messy but with God all things are possible. And I believe that all things will happen in my life. 

Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Love Notes

I believe that God leaves us little notes, love notes per-say to remind us that He loves us. It’s the small things that make you feel loved, valued, and cared about. For me, it’s often the small prayers I say, ones that really have no importance in them that show me just how much God is paying attention to me and how well he knows me. So often He answers me even when it’s only a simple request of something I’d like, but could do very well without. It’s clear that He is answering me not because I need Him to, but because He wants me to know how much He loves me. 

                When I say a prayer asking for warm water, I always have hot water to shower in. Definitely something I don’t need. I can shower with cold water; I do it all the time. But on those days that I’m tired and seeking a little comfort, knowing that God has given me warm water is more than enough.

           
       Sometimes, when we boil our drinking water it doesn’t taste good. It’s clean and drinkable but tastes bad. There are times that I can only drink so much sour water with bugs and lots of other things floating in it. I really just want clean and refreshing water. This just happened the other night. I was so thirsty but I couldn’t bring myself to drink anymore of that unpleasant tasting water. I didn’t want to have to buy water the next day, so I said a prayer just asking God that the new water we boiled would taste better. Obviously, not something I need, and it was something that I felt kind of funny asking for. I man I have clean water to drink here and I was asking for water that tasted good too. So, the next morning when I went to fill up my water bottle not only did the water taste good but it was ice cold. I absolutely love cold water.  It blew my mind that once again God heard me and decided to bless me in a way that would let me know that He was thinking of me.

There are so many other ways that my God is always surprising me, leaving me little signs and reminding me of how much He cares for and loves me. He knows all of those small things that bring me joy and make me feel so loved, and He loves to proclaim His love for me.

 

 

Behold, O Lord, You Know It All

  Psalms 139:1-6

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

We forget who we are so easily; we lose sight of the dreams that we once had, we settle for wherever we are, and we let go of the things that we had dared to hope for.  But God doesn’t. He has always seen us for who we truly are. In fact He saw as that way before we were born, He sees us that way today, and will continue to see us that way for the rest of eternity. We may become doubtful of our identity or our calling but He knows us better than we will ever know ourselves and He delights in us. We may be distracted from what is really happening in us but He sees all and is aware of every breath we take. Nothing could ever make Him forget us.

Here in Uganda it’s easy to get caught up in a number of things; the children, the projects we are doing, what I see happening around me, what I wish I could change, the many I want to help, what I need to be doing today, where I’ll be tomorrow. I find that I am often distracted.  Either I am doing something or I am thinking about something. I can’t seem to push the future far enough away from my mind, it’s always there threatening to invade and consume my thoughts. This means that sometimes I don’t realize that God has already been answering my prayers, dreams, and fulfilling His promises to me. While I am looking off into the distance, He has come and acted in the present.

                Long ago, I knew that I was meant to be a teacher. That this was what God was calling me to, it was a part of who He created me to be. But lately I have been focusing on the missionary and mothering part of my calling and I forgot that part of me was missing. While both of these parts are also very important they are only two of the things that God has called me to. And while I had let this passion for teaching slip away, it was still part of God’s heart for me. He didn’t forget that He had placed it in my heart.

                Last week we had the opportunity to teach at one of the primary schools here. At first I didn’t think anything of it, in fact it wasn’t until I got home that day that I understood why I was overwhelmed with joy and peace. I had finally had the chance to teach in a school, and I loved it. It felt so right and as if that dream that I had long ago finally came into fruition. Since then I’ve had the opportunity to teach twice more, and I’ve fallen even more in love with it. I can’t really describe why I find so much happiness in teaching, but it feels sort of like finally being home. Which doesn’t fully make sense, after all I am halfway across the world from my earthly home, but maybe that sense of peace and familiarity comes from it long being a part of me. 

               

                  God is fulfilling all of His promises to me and He will always know me better than I can ever hope to understand myself. He will never let me forget who I am; the dreams He gave me, where He is leading me, or what I have dared to hope for.

He Always Answers

I'm having a hard time keeping time straight here and I never know which day it is. It seems like I've  I've been gone for a very long time and yet I've only arrived. I am already missing so many of you back home, even though it has only been 5 days. But God is good and faithful.

God uses everything to draw us closer to Him, if we let Him. Selfishly, I want that to be the reason behind all of this. Him wanting me to draw closer to Him. But I know that this is about so much more than me. It isn't easy though. I know that my time in Ensenada is a chance for me to fall even deeper into His arms and I know that I will need Him to get through this time as well. After all, He is my Strength, my Comforter, and my Trust. It is Him who I will learn to lean on for each and every day.
It isn't that I doubt where I'm supposed to be. Or that I don't like it here. In fact I do. It's hard to explain but I just can't seem to find peace here. I am restless. I feel like my heart is already in Africa and as much as I try to find it here, I can't. It seems as if here I am only able to access my strength, my love, my joy, instead of His strength, love, and joy. It isn't enough and I know that. I can feel the difference and it hurts because I want to be alive here as well. I want to be present and useful to Him here in Mexico. I want to be doing His work because I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now, but I just can't seem to find myself here.

I keep calling out to God, asking for answers. His answer is always the same, "I am here." Which means that He is with me and that I can lean on Him. It also means that I have to trust Him with Africa while He is asking me to wait in Mexico. So, starting tonight, I let go of all that I'm waiting for. I want to see Him here, and if I am looking towards that future I'll miss Him because He is a God who is at work today. Which means that He is at work in Mexico and is waiting for me to ask to be a part of it. That means that I need to start each morning on my knees asking for His heart for Mexico, for today, for these people, for His children, for His mission here, for His never ending love and compassion. I want to feel His burning love here just as I do for the people of Africa. I want to laugh each day as I see His plans unfold and come to serve alongside His missionaries here. I want to end each day in prayer, praying over this country, over those I've worked with, for His kingdom to come here, for His blessings to pour out over these people.

I know that I won't leave Mexico until He calls me to leave and I am content to wait for that call. I don't need to keep asking when it will come. I know when it will come. When His work and mine is done here. So, with His heart for this place, I will rejoice that I am meant to stay here and that I have a chance to share His love with His most beloved children here in Mexico. I am so honored that He has asked and trusted me to serve here and given me a the opportunity to see His kingdom come in Mexico. Tonight, I will go to sleep completely at peace for the first time since I arrived in Mexico, excited for tomorrow to come and not wanting to be anywhere else.

We Are the Blessed

     This past week I had my wisdom teeth removed. I decided to have the surgery now because I didn't want them to become impacted while I was overseas. This wasn't my first surgery or my first time under and I figured that I'd be up and running after maybe two days. Well, it's day five and I'm only now starting to feel a little better. Last night, I was thinking about how such a small surgery can cause so much pain and how I had wanted to get this done. But then in that moment I was convicted. For a moment I saw just how blessed and ridiculously well-off I am. If I want to have a simple surgery even though it's not life or death, I can schedule one for next week in a clean, safe, and comfortable room. If the surgery causes me pain, I can ask for painkillers. If I need more painkillers, I just make a call to my doctor and then pick them up from the pharmacy. If I need to rest for a few days, people understand and are eager to help me. If I can't eat anything, people will bring me food or liquids. If I say I'm in pain, people are there to comfort me and make me feel better. If anything goes wrong, I go back to the doctor and they fix it. And through the whole thing everyone goes out of their way to wish that I feel better and tell me how sorry they are for me. Why are they sorry for me? Many people around the world are dying because they do not have any of these resources and they are in life or death situations, and I am complaining because of some discomfort while on my pain medication.

I am shaking my head at myself, how could I be so clueless and act as if I deserve better; I live the better already.

• Around 1 billion people don't have access to clean water, that's 1 in every 8 people.
• 1 out of every 5 deaths under the age of 5 worldwide is due to a water-related disease.
• Nearly 80% of illness in developing countries is linked to poor water and sanitation conditions. 
• Half of the world's hospital beds are filled with people suffering from a water-related disease.
• Around 25,000 people die every day from hunger, many of whom are children.
• AIDS kills 1.5 million people a year.
• Close to a million people die from Malaria each year and millions more are weakened from it, 90% of those people live in Africa.
• Diarrhea kills over 1.5 million people each year, most of them children.
• Pneumonia kills 1.5 million children alone, each year.

1. A single well can provide clean water for the whole village, and not only offer clean drinking water but clean water for sanitation and hygiene as well.
2. There is plenty of food in the world for everyone.
3. AIDS, Malaria, Diarrhea, and Pneumonia are all treatable and preventable. 

 

      It's pretty easy to complain or feel sorry for yourself, there is always something that could be better. Yet how often do we look at our lives and see all of the ways that our life is already better than most of the world. Today, I am in a little pain from getting my wisdom teeth out, on the other side of the world children are starving to death, dying from preventable diseases, and all without and any medicine. 

     Maybe this is how the world has been working for a while; some people have everything and others nothing. Maybe it's always the lucky ones who survive because they only look out for themselves. But this is not how it has always been, and this is not how it was meant to be. I won't accept that I am one of the "lucky" or "blessed" ones, simply for my own good. No, I know that because I have been blessed I am responsible to share my blessings with others. The more I am blessed, the more I will give and bless. Nothing I have is mine, and nothing I have was meant for me. Not even my own life. We are meant to bless others with everything we have, and that is why we are blessed so much. 

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked (Luke 12:48b).

Moments...

The reminding of something is often so much more important then the learning of something new.

This is something our speaker yesterday at The Stirring's Womens Retreat told us. It's so true. It's not the we forget what we've learned but that we get so easily distracted by new things that what we already know often becomes buried.  This morning's message was about moments and how God uses moments to come alive, to touch people, to open their eyes and how He wants us to be on mission with the moments He gives us everyday. I was thinking about my upcoming trip and how God has been telling me that He has big plans for Africa and that I am meant to be part of what He is doing. How I've been praying for God to move and be visible in impossible ways. During the service I was asking God to make clear what He was trying to tell me because I felt like I look for the small moments all the time. And God just spoke to me, reminding me that it isn't just about all the big things He's doing but the small moments as well. That I shouldn't just be expecting big things to happen but moments where God is exposed for how big He is. For how much He loves. For how much hope He brings. And that He is always with us. Just small moments where someone feels; His love; feels hopeful, maybe for the first time; knows that they aren't alone. Those moments are just as special to God as when He does something unexpected. I pray for both of these, the impossible and the simple. And I am confident that God will lead me through both!