Defining Ourselves

            We’ve all heard the proverb that “actions speak louder than words.”  I would agree with that, but I also think that your heart speaks louder than your actions. You can do a great many good things in your life but what you do does not define you. Who you are defines every aspect of your life, including what you do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m doing here in Uganda. See I’ve always loved “doing” for and “serving” people. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself, and that I’m using my time well and not wasting it on things that don’t matter. I always want to bring a smile to the face of someone who has had a hard day, who is in a rough season, or has been fighting their whole life. Knowing that I’ve made a difference makes me feel important in that moment. But something I’ve realized is this; I will always be disappointed in what I can do. I can never do enough. I will always make mistakes and miss opportunities to do something. And there will be days when I am bitter towards giving again. If I let what I do define me, then more often I would not be able to sleep at night. Whether we are doing things for God, for others, or for ourselves, we can never do enough to always be confident and pleased with ourselves. And let’s be honest, what can we do without God? Not much.

                So, instead of focusing on what I can or cannot do, I want to choose to concentrate on who I am. It isn’t easy. If I’m honest there are some things that I can see growth in and a lot that I can’t. I still feel very young and overwhelmed by what I see every day. I have fears and doubts and so many imperfections, just like everyone else. I have moments when I am strong and other times that I feel so weak.  The truth is there is a lot about me that I wish I wasn’t.  But no matter what my faults are God sees me as His beloved and wants me just as I am. When you stop and look at yourself the way He does it makes all the difference.  I know that He sees my heart, something that I often can’t see or understand very well, and that He is pleased with me. So, when I look at myself again, I begin to see why He loves me. I am His daughter and He sees growing in these things, in love, in patience, in joy, in determination, in generosity, in hope, in faith, in confidence, in peace, in obedience, in humbleness, in strength, in wisdom, in compassion, in mercy. And as your child grows you are always proud of them. He knows that no matter how many times I fall short that I won’t give up. He sees how deeply I feel the pain, loneliness, and needs of others and how I genuinely want to help and meet everyone where they are. Compassion is a heavy burden and one that always seems to keep growing.  Maybe that is what defines me, my heart for others. I would do or give up anything to be able to show someone Christ’s love and let them know that they are seen. If that is who I am then I can be happy knowing that the desire to love will overflow into my life and bless those around me. What I do doesn’t matter as much as truly being myself and allowing my heart to keep reaching out in love.

“True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy. That is why we must pray and ask for the courage to love.”   --Mother Teresa