Our Anointed Calling

     I may not be the wisest or oldest person but I know that happiness is not what any of us truly desire. The world tells us it is what we should strive for and many have convinced themselves that happiness is all that they are after, but if it really was our heart desire to simply be happy, we would be. Instead we are constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have, because nothing makes us happy enough. 
     I've met people in life who are happy, but their happiness is not based on their circumstances, their financial means, or anything that they have acheived. They are happy because it is not their end goal and they have allowed themselves to enjoy the moments of today. Maybe coincidentally, the happiest people I've met seem to be children who have nothing. But I don't really believe in coincidences, these children have accepted that life is hard and choose to laugh and play all the same. We could learn something from them. 
     See I think that we assume that happy and easy go hand and hand, but happiness is not based on anything but our choice to be so, and therefore can be one of the hardest things to obtain if that is what we are after. Our warped view of happiness is that it should meet all of our hopes, expectations, and dreams, and therefore it must be costly and hard to reach. As if we could ever gain happiness from striving after it. Happiness is free and limitless, it comes naturally with knowing and accepting who we are and opening our eyes to the depth of God's love towards for us. But again, I don't think that this is what any of us truly desire as our end goal, we have a heart after God's own and we know that we were created to be more than just happy.  
     So, why do we live our lives like that is what we are after? Do we not realize that whatever it is that we choose to devote ourselves to becomes the most important thing to us?
     I don't want to be happy. I want to be so much more than that. I want to live, not how anyone else thinks I should live but exactly how I was created to live, fully alive. I want to dance, not only when the time is right, but always, in each and every moment of life. I want to worship, and not depending on any circumstance of life but solely on Christ's unchanging love, therefore it should be my only response through eternity. I want to know and see God, not just know about or be waiting to see, I want to really know Him and really see Him, now. And I want to be, like a tree just as God created it to be; ever-changing, always growing, dependent only on God, standing tall, rooted deep, blooming exactly where God planted it, and always pointing upwards at it's Creator. 
    No, happiness was never meant to satisfy us or to be our end goal, because that would mean it was filling the place that only God is meant to stay. No, I don't want to be happy. I want to be loved. Not by anyone, but by Someone, and see the wonderful crazy thing is, that I am. Already, nothing I can do about it, never going change, end goal, done.
    We were never meant to be happy, because we were anointed to be loved by God our Father, and it's way better to be loved than just happy! 

Defining Ourselves

            We’ve all heard the proverb that “actions speak louder than words.”  I would agree with that, but I also think that your heart speaks louder than your actions. You can do a great many good things in your life but what you do does not define you. Who you are defines every aspect of your life, including what you do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m doing here in Uganda. See I’ve always loved “doing” for and “serving” people. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself, and that I’m using my time well and not wasting it on things that don’t matter. I always want to bring a smile to the face of someone who has had a hard day, who is in a rough season, or has been fighting their whole life. Knowing that I’ve made a difference makes me feel important in that moment. But something I’ve realized is this; I will always be disappointed in what I can do. I can never do enough. I will always make mistakes and miss opportunities to do something. And there will be days when I am bitter towards giving again. If I let what I do define me, then more often I would not be able to sleep at night. Whether we are doing things for God, for others, or for ourselves, we can never do enough to always be confident and pleased with ourselves. And let’s be honest, what can we do without God? Not much.

                So, instead of focusing on what I can or cannot do, I want to choose to concentrate on who I am. It isn’t easy. If I’m honest there are some things that I can see growth in and a lot that I can’t. I still feel very young and overwhelmed by what I see every day. I have fears and doubts and so many imperfections, just like everyone else. I have moments when I am strong and other times that I feel so weak.  The truth is there is a lot about me that I wish I wasn’t.  But no matter what my faults are God sees me as His beloved and wants me just as I am. When you stop and look at yourself the way He does it makes all the difference.  I know that He sees my heart, something that I often can’t see or understand very well, and that He is pleased with me. So, when I look at myself again, I begin to see why He loves me. I am His daughter and He sees growing in these things, in love, in patience, in joy, in determination, in generosity, in hope, in faith, in confidence, in peace, in obedience, in humbleness, in strength, in wisdom, in compassion, in mercy. And as your child grows you are always proud of them. He knows that no matter how many times I fall short that I won’t give up. He sees how deeply I feel the pain, loneliness, and needs of others and how I genuinely want to help and meet everyone where they are. Compassion is a heavy burden and one that always seems to keep growing.  Maybe that is what defines me, my heart for others. I would do or give up anything to be able to show someone Christ’s love and let them know that they are seen. If that is who I am then I can be happy knowing that the desire to love will overflow into my life and bless those around me. What I do doesn’t matter as much as truly being myself and allowing my heart to keep reaching out in love.

“True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy. That is why we must pray and ask for the courage to love.”   --Mother Teresa

Seeing Jesus

O Jesus- You who suffer, grant that, today and every day,

I may be able to see you in the person of your sick ones and that,

by offering them my care, I may serve you. 

Grant that, even if you are hidden under unattractive disguise of anger, 

crime, or of madness, I may recognize you and say, 

"Jesus, you who suffer, how sweet it is to serve you." 

Give me, Lord, this vision of faith, and my work will never be monotonous, 

I will find joy in harboring whims and desire of all the poor who suffer. 

Dear sick one, you are still more beloved to me because you represent Christ. 

What a privilege I am granted in being able to take care of you! 

O God, since you are Jesus how suffers, 

deign to be for me also a Jesus who is patient, indulgent with my faults,

who looks only at my intentions, which are to love you 

and to serve you in the person of each of these children of yours who suffer. 

Lord, increase my faith. Bless my efforts and my work, now and forever.
Mother Teresa

    It's easy to look around and see that things could be better, but sometimes you

don't realize that things are better for you.  If you can't look at your life and

see all that God has done and it good, then what type of life are you living? 

Often times all we see is; what is going wrong, what should be happening, 

or what we think needs to change. But do we take the time to see what is truly 

happening and going on around us? Do we know the people who we are calling 

the problem or blaming? Can we see the beauty in the darkness? Because without 

seeing things and people as they are, how can we hope to understand what beauty 

looks like. If our primary goal is to fix people instead of knowing them, then we will 

never understand what God's plan is for the world or see what is beautiful.

I am so glad that I don't have to worry about fixing anything, because honestly,

I don't think that I would be any good at it. Life isn't about fixing things though,

it's about discovering who you are and being confident that you are needed here. 

It's about the journey that one goes takes, the trip. It's about the people who you 

walk alongside. It's about forgiving and letting go of the things that don't matter, 

so that you can hold onto and go after the things that do. It's about discovering 

that you are not alone and that you you were never meant to live that way. It's about 

realizing that you can make a difference in someone's life just by supporting them 

and being there for them. It's about understanding that a person longs to be; loved, 

accepted, and to belong, and choosing to love, accept, and give belonging to each 

person you meet. It's not just meeting someone's physical needs but helping them 

meet all their needs. This is why it's so important for each one of us to know who we 

are. We are the ones who are meant to go. We are the ones meant to love. We are the 

ones meant to walk alongside the world. God isn't just calling a few to be His hands

and feet, He has  commanded all of us to go and bring His love to the world. Are you

living out His heart for the nations? Because His plan is bringing justice and 

redemption to the whole earth. Can you hear His heart beating for His people?

Will you answer?

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
   ³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
   ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
   ⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  ^{Matthew 25:31-40}

Womens Retreat

I am so encouraged. I spent the day with the women of my church, many of which are close friends.
Together we let our walls downs.
Together we rested.
Together we let ourselves heal.
Together we encouraged one another. 
Together we listened to the voice of our Father.

For me, it was a day of rest and encouragement. I was at peace. I was full of joy. I knew without who I was.

Strong.

Free.

Beautiful.

Loved.

Confident.

Powerful.

Important.

Dangerous.

Alive.

I few days ago while pouring out my heart in prayer and journaling, I asked God for faith. In Matthew 17:20 it says even with a little faith you can move mountains and do the impossible. So, I asked God for more than a little faith. Because, I know that He has more for me than just moving mountains. Today, God told me that He had given me the gift of faith and that I have been faithful.

This morning we were asked what lie was weighing heavily on our hearts, keeping us down for awhile.  Mine was self-doubt. The dreams and call I've been given are so big, sometimes it's hard to see any of that in myself. Throughout the day God just reminded me that I am perfect in the way I created, I perfect in where I've placed, and I'm perfect on my journey because all of this is according to His plan for me.

Later, we were asked what truth God had spoken over us. My truth came from a close friend. God spoke through her to tell me that He was SO proud of me. That blew my mind. God was proud of me and believed in me, I had no reason to doubt.


Today, God told me that I was faithful and that He was proud of me, for my heart and who I am, today.