"Mama"

I am constantly reminded that I am in control of very little and that God is in control of everything. There is so much that I do not know, things that are happening around me and those that happen far away, but He does.

     On Friday morning the four children came to Kampala so that we could take them to boarding school. Nettie arrived very sick. When we took her temperature it was at 104 degrees. I rushed her to the medical clinic where she  tested positive with a severe case of  malaria. She was put on an IV immediately. We spent the night at Ray of Hope since she was still on the IV at that time. Saturday she was able to come home for a little bit and then she finished her last 4 hours on the IV in the evening. Today we stayed home from church and the village so that she could rest. Hopefully, she will be better by the end of the week and will be able to join her brothers at school.

     The crazy part about the past couple of days is that it could have turned out so differently. Malaria is preventable and it is treatable, but it is dangerous if left to it's own. If Nettie hadn't come to Kampala she would not have received medical attention. With a temperature that high, she probably would not have made it. If she hadn't had come I would have had no idea that she was sick and wouldn't have been able to make sure that she received the best care possible. Things could have been so different if God had not been in control and watching out for my little girl. I just can't imagine if I had shown up today in the village and found out something had happened to her. Malaria is one of the primary killers of children in third world countries, and about every thirty seconds a child dies from malaria in Africa alone. This is the world that my baby lives in. It could have been her. It was so close to being her.

     I don't really have the words to express how thankful I am that she is okay. That I am the one who gets to take care of her as she recovers and makes sure she has someone to hold her when the fever comes. And that I get to spend another week with my beautiful Nettie. I would do anything for her, and I am so glad that God is watching out for her. I am glad that this morning she was able to smile again, telling me she is starting to feel a little more like herself. But the highlight of the past few days, was when she called me "Mama" for the first time. Friday was scary, yesterday was very long, but today was incredibly special. Just knowing that she wants me to be her mother and to care for her, truly means so much to me. I would do anything for her,  yet there are some things that even I can't do, which is why I am so glad that God is watching out for her. He is so faithful and His compassion runs so deep for His beloved children.

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the enemy’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

She Trusts Me!

I came to Zirobwe on my first day in Uganda, and I fell in love with this place right then. It would be hard not to love the people here, the children, the community, the hot days, beautiful green landscape, and blue skies. These are all things that I am immersed in while in Zirobwe, and I could easily be happy here the rest of my life. The longer I spend in Zirobwe the more and the stronger are the relationships that I build grow. I frequently take long walks around the village going to visit different families that I have gotten to know well. And even though I am nowhere close to knowing all of the children’s names (I still meet new ones all the time) I have put so many names to their faces.

One of the families that I know consists of three boys and a girl, and sometimes their father. They lost their mother earlier this summer before I came. The father is often away and when he is home he can be abusive. When I met these children they had just become sponsored and they were getting ready to go to school for the first time in their lives. The oldest boy was 11 and taking care of his three younger siblings, the youngest of which was not even two. He used to always carry her everywhere and she would cry when he put her down. None of the four children smiled much; in fact it was clear that they were struggling with the recent passing of their mother. The youngest Nettie always had a permanent frown on her face and would scream if anyone came near her. 

It took many weeks before Nettie would let me come near her and hold her. Even so the frown stayed and it always felt like I was carrying dead weight. Still, every Sunday when I saw her I would run up to her and pick her up. I would hold her through our whole Sunday school service, often getting up with her to lead worship or the story. Sometimes, she would even fall asleep on me. Our relationship was completely one sided, she only tolerated me. 

I’m not really sure when it changed. This whole time I have simply wanted her to feel loved. No child especially one so young should feel so hurt and abandoned. Each time I held her I would comfort her and tell her that I loved her. Slowly, she stopped squirming when I picked her up, and she was content to sit with, and unhappy when I put her down.   

Then this past Saturday something happened that I will remember for the rest of my life.  The sponsorship day Christmas party was at our house that day and all of the children who are sponsored came for it, including Nettie and her brothers. It was her first time in Kampala and I saw Nettie standing to the side looking very overwhelmed. I ran over and picked her up as I always do. I held her as we did registration and she fell asleep on me right away. I debated laying her down inside but I decided to wait a little longer. When the music started she woke up. I remember she started playing with my hair (which I happened to have down that day), and I gave her a big smile. She had never really done anything but sit and I was thrilled that she was playing with my hair. I just kept looking down at her and smiling. And suddenly, her face completely changed. The deep frown, which was the only expression I’d ever seen on this two year old, was gone, and in its place was a beautiful smile. As quickly as it had come it was gone, but my heart had stopped for a moment. I didn’t think that I would ever see this little girl smile; I didn’t know she could smile. Never has a child’s smile brought me so much joy.

 After almost 7 months of loving her she finally knew and understood how much I cared about her, and she was happy about that. Later, that day after she had woken up again I received my second smile, and then one more as I held her before she left. Nettie’s smiles are very brief but they completely change her face, and suddenly you can see just how beautiful this child is. With her huge brown eyes a smile lights her whole face up.

 

The next day was Sunday and we always come to the village on Sundays to teach Sunday school. It was the children’s day here so the kids sang and preformed a Christmas play for the church. I had been in charge of the play and was narrating, so of course Nettie slept on my while I did that. In the afternoon when everyone else went home I stayed in Zirobwe along with one of the other girls. I got to hold her later and again she smiled at me.

Monday, I took it upon myself to scrub her down, do something about all the ringworm growing in her hair, and remove any jiggers that she had. The first two were easy enough. But I had to call one of the other girls to help me remove a jigger from her finger. I have removed a few jiggers from my own feet (they are something that you can’t really escape if it ever rains while you are in the village), but they are easy to take out and not very painful if you get them out before the eggs hatch. The jigger we found on her thumb was very infected and it was huge. I held her; kissed her, and whispered to her while Nahni used a needle to extract the giant jigger sack. It was bigger than her nail and left a deep hole about half the size of her finger. She didn’t cry the whole time. I can only imagine how painful it had been for her.

In moments like those I wish that I could protect her. I don’t want to have to take jiggers out of her fingers and feet. I don’t want her to be hungry all the time because it’s just her and her brothers. I don’t want her to grow up in the situation that she is in. I want to do something about it. Yet, I realize that only God can really protect her. I won’t always be there for her but He will. And for the time that I’ve had with her I have made a difference already. Even if it’s just showing her that she can trust someone and reminding her how to smile. That’s pretty big. And I am so blessed to have been that person who was there to hold her. 

In years to come, when I’m thinking back about my time in Africa, I know that I will think of Nettie and of the first time I saw her smile. Maybe one day, I’ll even get to hear her laugh. It’s something that I’ll most certainly be praying for.

My Journey So Far...

 

Five months. It’s been exactly that long since I left Redding and headed to Africa. When I left two years seemed like a lot but time has flown. I thought I’d take this blog entry to summarize that past months. I’ve been to Mexico, Gabon, and now I’m living in Uganda. So far, this journey has been full of the unexpected and of great things. My mind has been blown so many times by what God has done and shown me. I am always learning; about God’s faithfulness, about what people really need, about what love looks like, about true generosity, about serving selflessly, and about what life should be about.

It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so good. I take one day at a time. I trust that each day God will give me exactly what I need and I don’t worry about tomorrow. I try to always choose love. I am learning to follow God’s voice each time it begins to whisper to me. Every day I am faced with things that are hard to see and that I wish that I could change, but I find peace and hope in the truth that Jesus came to save and set free. I trust in the work that He is doing.  I’ve been homesick. I’ve been burdened and weighed down. Yet God’s joy and strength are new every morning and are always more than enough. I have seen so many dreams and promises come true including ones that I had forgotten about. I am simply one of the people that God is using to show His great love to His people. I have never been more completely content to live outside of my comfort zone, and I do it daily. I have never felt more alive or so full of purpose and joy. This is exactly what I was created for; to love the least and the orphaned.

Ensenada, Mexico

May 22^nd- June 3^rd (two weeks)  

I flew from Redding to San Diego, joined up with our Envision team and we drove to Ensenada. Training lasted for three days and at the end of which our groups were supposed to fly to our destinations. I was on the Gabon team with seven others girls. All of our visas were denied and we waited and an extra ten days for our entry paper work to come. While in Mexico we built a bathroom for one of the local pastors, had children’s programs, visited an orphanage, went to the beach, and bonded as a team.

Libreville, Gabon

June 4^th- July 23^rd (seven weeks)

The Gabon 8 (as we were called) arrived in Libreville, Gabon on June 4^th. This was my second time to Gabon and I was very happy to be back and to see all of my dear friends again. I had spent the past year learning French and was surprised with how much that helped me communicate. My time was spent; working at the Hope House (a home for orphaned or abandoned children), at OSPAC (a medical clinic run by a group of Gabonese Christians), going on mobile medical clinics, and working with large teams that came in every two weeks from all over the world.

I also spent about a week at the Bongolo Hospital (8-10 hour trip by bus and 2 ½ hour trip by plane), though this was completely unplanned. I hadn’t even been in Gabon for two weeks before I was flown to Bongolo due to an emergency.  I had developed a bacterial ulcer in my left eye. Within four days I had gone blind in one eye and had started to go delirious from the intense pain. I was told after receiving immediate care at Bongolo I would almost certainly be flown home for more treatment. Needless to say I wasn’t ready to go home. I had come to Africa for two years and I meant to stay for two years. I had an army of people praying for me all across the world and by the time I reached Bongolo I was starting to see out of my left eye and the ulcer was shrinking. The next week was divided in fifteen and thirty minute intervals which was the amount of time between my sets of anti-biotic drops I was taking. Through this whole experience I knew that God was going to heal me and I was aware of the exact moment when He touched my eye. Within a couple of days I regained complete sight in my eye. This was the first time that I had personally experienced healing and seen God do a miracle in my life. The crazy thing was that during this whole process, I was okay with the fact that I could go blind. I felt so sure of the plans God had for me and I was fully at peace. But God did heal me and now I know Him in a completely new way. I know Him as my Healer.

Kampala/Zirobwe, Uganda

July 23^rd-May 2014 (twenty-two months)

My time in Uganda... where to begin; I may have only been here for three months but already it feels like home. Each week I get to spend time with, teach, play with, praise God with, feed, and talk with hundreds of children. These are all children who come from broken families and who are literally living on nothing. I have the opportunity to serve, love, and build relationships with them. It is all I have ever dreamed of. During the school term we often go to; one to two primary schools a day, secondary schools (high schools), a children’s rehabilitation hospital, babies’ homes, teach three to four times a week, have a program with our neighborhood kids, and spend Sunday in the village Zirobwe. We do children’s programs (praise and worship, stories, games, crafts) with the kids and sometimes have a feeding program. We also help with any work that might need to be done, for example at the babies home a lot of what we do is washing, hanging, and folding clothes. The school year is split into three terms here with breaks in between and our schedule changes with it. When school is out we spend three days every week (not counting Sunday) in Zirobwe.

                My favorite place in Uganda is Zirobwe. It is a village about an hour and a half away from the capital Kampala (which is where I live), it is home to thousands of Ugandans. When I first arrived we spent each week in the village and I got to know many of the children there. Usually, we do a lot of manual labor along with our daily children’s programs and just spending time with the kids.

 I love almost everything about the Zirobwe. I love the people. I love that it’s hot. I love doing hard work. I love what we do. I love all of the children. But there are things that make being in the village hard.  It is a place of extreme poverty. It is a place where a lot of people are hungry. Most families live on nothing. Their source of food is their gardens, which the mother or grandmother will tend to. They usually only grow basic things like matooke and potatoes and the garden doesn’t always produce food. So, many times they won’t have anything to eat. Most families live in a mud hut which they built themselves (I’ve helped build one and it’s a lot of work). They might have a spare set of clothes that they wear to church on Sundays, and may or may not own shoes. School fees are very hard to afford. It’s a life of a lot of hard work and manual labor. Getting water requires going to a well and pumping water into your jerry can and then carrying it all the back.  This being said, I’ve never met people who are more generous or welcoming.

When you go to someone’s house they feed you. Even if it is all the food they have for the day. Refusing the food is rude. Several times I have visited a family and eaten what they offered me, knowing that it was literally all they had. It is one of the most humbling and hardest things to do. Almost every Sunday a child will bring me food to take home. It might be sugar cane, or mais, or passion fruit. It is such a sweet gesture and I never feel like a simple thank you is enough.

One of the things that I’ve only started doing recently is teaching English. I teach at two different primary schools, Newbrain Storm and Victory. I’ve been teaching three P4 classes and will be adding a P5 class this week. I absolutely love teaching! It’s always been part of the plan to teach overseas and I am thrilled to have the chance to do so now. Last week, I gave one of my classes their first exam and they did wonderful. My class of 20 had a 90.8 percent average. I was so proud of them.

There are so many different children and families that I have grown to love dearly. I am so thankful for the time that I have to spend with them. I want to encourage, support, and lift them up in prayer. I’ve already seen some amazing things and I know that God will continue to surprise me. There have been times when a family or someone has had a serious need and God has allowed me to help them. There are children who I am finding sponsors for so that they can go to school. Just the fact that God is using me to meet needs here still blows my mind.

 

 I could share so many stories of what God has done here (feel free to look back at previous blogs to see a few), but this is already a very long entry so I’ll leave that for another time. I am so excited for the work that God is doing here and I really am just honored and excited to be a part of it. Thank you, for supporting me and giving me the chance to love these children and people of Uganda. You are all such a big part of why I am here and able to serve wholeheartedly. If you have any questions about how you can support me, donate, or sponsor a child please contact me.

May God bless you.