The Hardest Word To Say Is Goodbye

 Libreville, Gabon

April 30th- May 10th

I've been trying to write this blog for days, but stopped each time because I didn't want to think about saying goodbye to Africa. How do you write about something when it brings you to tears just thinking about it? When you feel like your heart is going to break when you say goodbye to the children who you've given your heart completely too. I know that it's time for me to go home and I am so excited to see everyone but I feel as if a big part of me belongs here. Which makes it so hard to leave. So, I'm going to leave the goodbyes until after I get home and instead I want to share my last week with you, maybe you'll be able to understand why it's so hard for me to let go of these amazing people and children.

Last Friday night we had a big Gabonese party at the Straws. All of our Gabonese friends came and we celebrated Hannah's birthday (again.. I think that makes three parties:) and just our friendships with each other. I have been to a few dinner/parties here but nothing compares to this last one. Let's just say it started off with people putting flags on their foreheads and ended with a DJ and dancing. It really was just an awesome night spent with (as I like to call them) my Gabonese family. I especially loved all the dancing, which really looked liked nothing but was a ton of fun do to. I believe we had the music going for over two hours and I of course danced the whole time:) I love each one of these people and I'm looking forward to coming back and having more dance parties!

Saturday, we spent the day at Hope House, so of course I had a blast! I feel like I could spend every day there and each one would be as special as the day before. I gave the children a bible lesson which Sam Straw translated for me. The story was about Moses and how God showed him who He was and how God wants to show us who He is. After the story and worship we did our craft together. Each of the kids wrote or drew different things they knew about God and who He was, and then we put them together and hung them on the wall. It was a really special moment reading some of the things they wrote and seeing just how much these kids love Jesus!

Over the weekend two new interns from Canada arrived, Reinette and Robert. We spent Monday repainting rooms in the Envision Center and then the evening doing acrobatics outside. Both of which were really fun.

Tuesday, I went to Hope House by myself for the first time. Since the kids were in school I spent the day helping Mama Natalie (who along with her husband Pastor Israel run the Hope House) and two of the other women who work at Hope House. I really enjoyed my time there. It was interesting because none of them really spoke English and I of course don't know more then a few words in French, but we figured things out. I ended up helping them with ironing, actually a lot of ironing. Here in Africa they hang their clothes outside which means they have to iron their clothes to kill the mango worms (which otherwise burrow into your skin). Now imagine ironing everyone's clothes. It was a lot, but at the same time way less than it should have been. I've have only ever seen maybe two different outfits on each child.  I also helped with some of the cleaning and then making lunch as well. For lunch I de-boned about 20 of the small smoked fish that you can buy on the street. Even though I hate the smell of fish I really enjoyed it. Not the fish part as much as all the singing that went on while we were preparing the fish:) Music can bring people together even when they don't speak the same language and that definitely happened in the kitchen that day. Plus, after lunch I had about an hour with the children before it was time to leave. I wasn't expecting to see the kids at all so it was a wonderful surprise! I cherished every minute!

Wednesday afternoon we all went to Hope House and spent a couple hours playing with the children. We even had a soccer game going for awhile. It was a lot of fun even though I might just be the worst soccer player ever. I only kicked the ball a few times and somehow I still managed to break a toe. Yep, I do have a gift for things like that.

Thursday, we helped at OSPAC all day and in the afternoon gave another English placement test. I am going to miss everyone from OSPAC so much! They really are one of a kind!

Friday, we spent the morning painting the kitchen at Envision (it badly needed repainting) and then headed out to the beach. It was really nice to have the afternoon off and just enjoy some of the beautiful things that God has blessed us with. I love walking down the beach and just soaking up the sun (and yes, I am getting a tan...which is amazing since I'm on doxy and I keep burning)! That night we had a game night, starting with Settlers of Catan and ending with Sardines and Kick the Can. I found out just how bad my eyesight is in the dark after bumping into everything in a ten mile radius. And realized that I shouldn't play Sardines after getting stuck trying to hide under a bed...yup, I was really hard to find:)

Saturday, Reinette, Robert, and I all went to Hope House. We had a bible lesson with the kids about worship and afterward made hearts of worship. Then to my surprise Mama Natalie called all the children together and told me they had a gift for me. They sang and then all danced for me! It was a lot of fun! I love seeing them praise the Lord because they are always filled with such joy, and their dancing is just a blast to watch! It is one of those moments that I will always remember and continue to be blessed by.

Sunday we went to the church that Pastor Israel is the senior pastor at. Which meant when we arrived and got out of the car we were swarmed by all of the Hope House children! It totally made my day! We ended up spending about twenty minutes before the service started with them, and I loved it! They we so excited to have us there!! I should also mention that since this church has a lot of Nigerians there was an English translator! So, I got to hear an actual message for the first time in Africa. Well, I've heard many, but since they have all been in French I haven't understood anything. After hearing the message on Sunday about visions and how God works I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to listen to one of the African pastors. God is really working and speaking in hearts here!!

Then yesterday, Hannah, Reinette, Robert and I all went to Hope House again! I seriously, have enjoyed this past week the most of my entire time in Africa and it's because of all the time I've gotten to spend with the Hope House children! I wish I could explain how special the Hope House kids are. The way that they light up when they see you and then rush to smoother you in hugs. How even when we aren't doing anything, the time together is so precious. The way they are all unbelievably generous. They have so very little yet they are always trying to give you gifts. Whether it's the bracelet they made, one of their drawings, or a note they've written, they are always looking for something to give you. It is really humbling, because at first you don't want to accept anything because it makes you feel guilty (after all we have SO much). But you look at their faces and see how proud they are, they know that they are giving you all that they have and they are so happy about it. So, you receive their gifts with a huge smile, tears in your eyes, give them a giant hug, and tell them just how beautiful it is. Their gifts. Their hearts. Their love. Yesterday, we without a lesson or really any plans, just with the intention of having fun playing with the kids. And it exceeded anything I could have hoped for. We did a bunch of random and fun things like, a water balloon fight, coloring with chalk, blowing bubbles, coloring pictures, and we took a ton of pictures! The kids love pictures. At one point they colored their faces with chalk and I got some really funny pictures of them incognito:) I also had a chance to just sit with the kids talking bits and pieces but mostly just holding on to them and letting them know how much they mean to me. If I could pick one day of this whole trip to relive, it would be yesterday! I know that I will keep coming back to that day in my thoughts, remembering the smiles, the laughter, the hugs, the precious beauty that God has blessed each one of those children with. And each time I think of them, I'll remember why I am coming back. After all, I'm leaving a big part of my heart with these children and living across the world won't separate us for long.

Today, as I've been gathering and finishing up last minute tasks I've been trying to process everything that has happened, that I've done, that I've learned, that I've been given, and every person who has made my time in Africa unforgettable and so special. It's a lot to think about, in fact it's a little overwhelming. How do you summarize something that is bigger than you understand and larger than life. I don't think it's possible. So, I won't try. Instead I'll wait and share all the small pieces as come together. But who knows how far down the road God will still be using this trip to change my life. It will probably be a life long journey.

So, goodbye for now. I'm sure I'll be posting many more blogs on Africa when I get back to the states, but this is the last one from Gabon. Thank you, all for coming with me on this journey!

God Bless All,
Shannon