Some Thoughts...

 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?

 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

-Romans 8:24-25

There is so much that I wish I could change, about world, how people think, how we live, but really I can only change those things in me. I can choose to give and do everything I can to make the world a better place; a place without hunger, sickness, death, and judgement, but love, hope, compassion, and generosity. It's not easy to live in a third world country, but I've found that it's even harder to come back from one. I've been home for ten days and each day it has only gotten harder to justify how we live, and how I live. When I go to sleep at night I know that I've wasted another day and wish that I could change that. It's not enough for me to just go through life being nice to and helping people. My life is supposed be SO much more than that. I want to fully give myself again to serving people who others overlook, to making someone smile who has been mistreated and abused, and to encourage and bring hope to those who have nothing else to live on. I want to make a difference and be part of something bigger here just like I was in Africa. Yes, I really, really, miss Africa; the work, the people, and the Hope House children, but it didn't end there. And like what I was doing in Africa didn't stop neither do I want what God is doing in and through me to stop. It is harder here to live every moment with purpose but I feel like if you can, you bless SO many people. I want use everything that I've learned through struggles and blessings and fight with all the strength that I've gained. I will continue to serve, love, and support what I was a part in Africa. In fact, God has already given me so many dreams of what He can do with me here in America for them. But it's not just about Africa anymore, I back here and I know God wants to use me where I am as well. I want to serve, love, and support my community as well. Because, looking around the brokenhearted, hopeless, and abused people are everywhere. I want this year to be everything that God can make it, and I know that is so much. So, while I'll look back on my trip with a little sadness knowing it's over, I am looking forward with so much joy and excitement! Because, nothing is really over, it's all just beginning! And as I remember a few of my favorite passages from the Bible I know nothing can stop what God is going to do, for I am called according to His purpose and nothing can stand against Him (Romans 8:28&31).

 

Before, I ended this blog I wanted to share a few of my favorite pictures of my time at Hope House and of the precious children. 

 

 I also want to encourage and ask you to help by supporting them. Because they are not supported by the government the only think that keeps the Hope House going and gives all the children a home is the generosity and support is us, their christian family. I'd would love to give you to all the opportunity to be a part of what they are doing at Hope House, because God is certainly there!

If you'd like to donate, this a link through the Christian Missionary Alliance's online giving to the Hope House. Thank you all!!

Supporting Hope House 

Love,

Shannon

Frustrations...

I'm back in Redding, actually I've been here for a full four days almost. I wish I could say that it's been a purely happy reunion, but I can't. Yes, I have LOVED seeing my friends and family again, and getting to go to church and understand the message was amazing. And I do love Redding, it's a great place. But the truth is, it's really hard to try and fit yourself back into a space when you've grown and don't fit anymore. And what's even harder is is experiencing and doing all that you've ever wanted too and are so passionate about and then having to stop and leave, because you now know what it's like when your heart is fully alive and you are so aware of that absence. I know left part of my heart behind in Africa because when I think about Gabon or the people, I can't help but cry. Not just tears but my heart cries out too. I don't want to be here and have everything at finger tips, I want to back there with nothing. I'd so much rather have nothing then have everything and not give anything.

When I think about the fact that poverty and hunger and a lot of deaths could end and be prevented today, if everyone just gave and helped a little...I can't even explain how heartbreaking it is that people don't care enough to help those who can't help themselves. How messed up are we? And how do people live with themselves knowing that they could be saving children's lives if they cared enough? I'm really not sure what is sadder, the fact that most people solely care about themselves or that there is still poverty and starvation in this world. It isn't okay to ignoring what's happening to around the world just because it's easier. And it isn't really that hard to help someone. It is however much easier to go about life never thinking or worrying about anything or anyone but you, because as soon as you start they are always on your mind and you are very aware of what you have. But I would never trade a life of thinking and crying for a life of ignorance or indifference. And it is upsetting that people can and that people do. I'll never understand how people don't care. How do you turn your heart off? I would change the world today if I could, but I can't. And as much as I hope to see the world change someday, I hope that people's hearts change even more. That the day comes when people care enough to stand up and make a difference together, ending something horrible. But I won't wait for that day. And I won't accept what the world says is okay, that poverty and starvation, that abandoned children and sickness, are all okay. Because they aren't! And you can't make them okay by saying it's okay or ignoring them, because they will still be there as rampant and deadly as ever. This is me, just one person trying to figure out and come to terms with the fact that most people just don't care, and I can't change that or them. I wish I could. But for now I'll just have to care, for everyone.

The Hardest Word To Say Is Goodbye

 Libreville, Gabon

April 30th- May 10th

I've been trying to write this blog for days, but stopped each time because I didn't want to think about saying goodbye to Africa. How do you write about something when it brings you to tears just thinking about it? When you feel like your heart is going to break when you say goodbye to the children who you've given your heart completely too. I know that it's time for me to go home and I am so excited to see everyone but I feel as if a big part of me belongs here. Which makes it so hard to leave. So, I'm going to leave the goodbyes until after I get home and instead I want to share my last week with you, maybe you'll be able to understand why it's so hard for me to let go of these amazing people and children.

Last Friday night we had a big Gabonese party at the Straws. All of our Gabonese friends came and we celebrated Hannah's birthday (again.. I think that makes three parties:) and just our friendships with each other. I have been to a few dinner/parties here but nothing compares to this last one. Let's just say it started off with people putting flags on their foreheads and ended with a DJ and dancing. It really was just an awesome night spent with (as I like to call them) my Gabonese family. I especially loved all the dancing, which really looked liked nothing but was a ton of fun do to. I believe we had the music going for over two hours and I of course danced the whole time:) I love each one of these people and I'm looking forward to coming back and having more dance parties!

Saturday, we spent the day at Hope House, so of course I had a blast! I feel like I could spend every day there and each one would be as special as the day before. I gave the children a bible lesson which Sam Straw translated for me. The story was about Moses and how God showed him who He was and how God wants to show us who He is. After the story and worship we did our craft together. Each of the kids wrote or drew different things they knew about God and who He was, and then we put them together and hung them on the wall. It was a really special moment reading some of the things they wrote and seeing just how much these kids love Jesus!

Over the weekend two new interns from Canada arrived, Reinette and Robert. We spent Monday repainting rooms in the Envision Center and then the evening doing acrobatics outside. Both of which were really fun.

Tuesday, I went to Hope House by myself for the first time. Since the kids were in school I spent the day helping Mama Natalie (who along with her husband Pastor Israel run the Hope House) and two of the other women who work at Hope House. I really enjoyed my time there. It was interesting because none of them really spoke English and I of course don't know more then a few words in French, but we figured things out. I ended up helping them with ironing, actually a lot of ironing. Here in Africa they hang their clothes outside which means they have to iron their clothes to kill the mango worms (which otherwise burrow into your skin). Now imagine ironing everyone's clothes. It was a lot, but at the same time way less than it should have been. I've have only ever seen maybe two different outfits on each child.  I also helped with some of the cleaning and then making lunch as well. For lunch I de-boned about 20 of the small smoked fish that you can buy on the street. Even though I hate the smell of fish I really enjoyed it. Not the fish part as much as all the singing that went on while we were preparing the fish:) Music can bring people together even when they don't speak the same language and that definitely happened in the kitchen that day. Plus, after lunch I had about an hour with the children before it was time to leave. I wasn't expecting to see the kids at all so it was a wonderful surprise! I cherished every minute!

Wednesday afternoon we all went to Hope House and spent a couple hours playing with the children. We even had a soccer game going for awhile. It was a lot of fun even though I might just be the worst soccer player ever. I only kicked the ball a few times and somehow I still managed to break a toe. Yep, I do have a gift for things like that.

Thursday, we helped at OSPAC all day and in the afternoon gave another English placement test. I am going to miss everyone from OSPAC so much! They really are one of a kind!

Friday, we spent the morning painting the kitchen at Envision (it badly needed repainting) and then headed out to the beach. It was really nice to have the afternoon off and just enjoy some of the beautiful things that God has blessed us with. I love walking down the beach and just soaking up the sun (and yes, I am getting a tan...which is amazing since I'm on doxy and I keep burning)! That night we had a game night, starting with Settlers of Catan and ending with Sardines and Kick the Can. I found out just how bad my eyesight is in the dark after bumping into everything in a ten mile radius. And realized that I shouldn't play Sardines after getting stuck trying to hide under a bed...yup, I was really hard to find:)

Saturday, Reinette, Robert, and I all went to Hope House. We had a bible lesson with the kids about worship and afterward made hearts of worship. Then to my surprise Mama Natalie called all the children together and told me they had a gift for me. They sang and then all danced for me! It was a lot of fun! I love seeing them praise the Lord because they are always filled with such joy, and their dancing is just a blast to watch! It is one of those moments that I will always remember and continue to be blessed by.

Sunday we went to the church that Pastor Israel is the senior pastor at. Which meant when we arrived and got out of the car we were swarmed by all of the Hope House children! It totally made my day! We ended up spending about twenty minutes before the service started with them, and I loved it! They we so excited to have us there!! I should also mention that since this church has a lot of Nigerians there was an English translator! So, I got to hear an actual message for the first time in Africa. Well, I've heard many, but since they have all been in French I haven't understood anything. After hearing the message on Sunday about visions and how God works I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to listen to one of the African pastors. God is really working and speaking in hearts here!!

Then yesterday, Hannah, Reinette, Robert and I all went to Hope House again! I seriously, have enjoyed this past week the most of my entire time in Africa and it's because of all the time I've gotten to spend with the Hope House children! I wish I could explain how special the Hope House kids are. The way that they light up when they see you and then rush to smoother you in hugs. How even when we aren't doing anything, the time together is so precious. The way they are all unbelievably generous. They have so very little yet they are always trying to give you gifts. Whether it's the bracelet they made, one of their drawings, or a note they've written, they are always looking for something to give you. It is really humbling, because at first you don't want to accept anything because it makes you feel guilty (after all we have SO much). But you look at their faces and see how proud they are, they know that they are giving you all that they have and they are so happy about it. So, you receive their gifts with a huge smile, tears in your eyes, give them a giant hug, and tell them just how beautiful it is. Their gifts. Their hearts. Their love. Yesterday, we without a lesson or really any plans, just with the intention of having fun playing with the kids. And it exceeded anything I could have hoped for. We did a bunch of random and fun things like, a water balloon fight, coloring with chalk, blowing bubbles, coloring pictures, and we took a ton of pictures! The kids love pictures. At one point they colored their faces with chalk and I got some really funny pictures of them incognito:) I also had a chance to just sit with the kids talking bits and pieces but mostly just holding on to them and letting them know how much they mean to me. If I could pick one day of this whole trip to relive, it would be yesterday! I know that I will keep coming back to that day in my thoughts, remembering the smiles, the laughter, the hugs, the precious beauty that God has blessed each one of those children with. And each time I think of them, I'll remember why I am coming back. After all, I'm leaving a big part of my heart with these children and living across the world won't separate us for long.

Today, as I've been gathering and finishing up last minute tasks I've been trying to process everything that has happened, that I've done, that I've learned, that I've been given, and every person who has made my time in Africa unforgettable and so special. It's a lot to think about, in fact it's a little overwhelming. How do you summarize something that is bigger than you understand and larger than life. I don't think it's possible. So, I won't try. Instead I'll wait and share all the small pieces as come together. But who knows how far down the road God will still be using this trip to change my life. It will probably be a life long journey.

So, goodbye for now. I'm sure I'll be posting many more blogs on Africa when I get back to the states, but this is the last one from Gabon. Thank you, all for coming with me on this journey!

God Bless All,
Shannon