Our Anointed Calling

     I may not be the wisest or oldest person but I know that happiness is not what any of us truly desire. The world tells us it is what we should strive for and many have convinced themselves that happiness is all that they are after, but if it really was our heart desire to simply be happy, we would be. Instead we are constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have, because nothing makes us happy enough. 
     I've met people in life who are happy, but their happiness is not based on their circumstances, their financial means, or anything that they have acheived. They are happy because it is not their end goal and they have allowed themselves to enjoy the moments of today. Maybe coincidentally, the happiest people I've met seem to be children who have nothing. But I don't really believe in coincidences, these children have accepted that life is hard and choose to laugh and play all the same. We could learn something from them. 
     See I think that we assume that happy and easy go hand and hand, but happiness is not based on anything but our choice to be so, and therefore can be one of the hardest things to obtain if that is what we are after. Our warped view of happiness is that it should meet all of our hopes, expectations, and dreams, and therefore it must be costly and hard to reach. As if we could ever gain happiness from striving after it. Happiness is free and limitless, it comes naturally with knowing and accepting who we are and opening our eyes to the depth of God's love towards for us. But again, I don't think that this is what any of us truly desire as our end goal, we have a heart after God's own and we know that we were created to be more than just happy.  
     So, why do we live our lives like that is what we are after? Do we not realize that whatever it is that we choose to devote ourselves to becomes the most important thing to us?
     I don't want to be happy. I want to be so much more than that. I want to live, not how anyone else thinks I should live but exactly how I was created to live, fully alive. I want to dance, not only when the time is right, but always, in each and every moment of life. I want to worship, and not depending on any circumstance of life but solely on Christ's unchanging love, therefore it should be my only response through eternity. I want to know and see God, not just know about or be waiting to see, I want to really know Him and really see Him, now. And I want to be, like a tree just as God created it to be; ever-changing, always growing, dependent only on God, standing tall, rooted deep, blooming exactly where God planted it, and always pointing upwards at it's Creator. 
    No, happiness was never meant to satisfy us or to be our end goal, because that would mean it was filling the place that only God is meant to stay. No, I don't want to be happy. I want to be loved. Not by anyone, but by Someone, and see the wonderful crazy thing is, that I am. Already, nothing I can do about it, never going change, end goal, done.
    We were never meant to be happy, because we were anointed to be loved by God our Father, and it's way better to be loved than just happy! 

Living Out A Vision

There is such a difference between being passionate about something and living out the life God has placed on your heart. Passion is feeling something burn deep inside but that in itself is not enough, you have to be brave enough to let that fire lead you to do something. I am not content to keep the dreams and visions that God has placed in my heart hidden away from the world. He has called me to live them each day.

                I was fourteen when God began to tell me that He was going to send me out all across the world.  I thought He was crazy. Why would God chose me to speak or to go to anyone; a person who wanted nothing more than to hide from everyone and not be seen?  But I continued to dream of living overseas. It led me to start pursuing Christ because I wanted to know who God was that He would send me. And as I began to find God I began to see who I was in His eyes. And it set me free from the fear that I had let rule my life. And once that fear was gone I couldn’t find anything that was holding me back from living out that vision.

See God’s heart burns for justice. And He wants nothing more than to use His children to bring that justice to the ends of the earth. As His daughter my heart burns for the same thing. Often I end up over my head in something because I cannot hold myself back from moving when that passion is ignited in the deepest place within my heart. I have not been called to bring justice to the world just to be willing to open my eyes to the ones around me. I will serve faithfully and humbly and let God be in control of everything.

When I see a child, I see God. God is all around us and shows Himself in different ways, and to me I often see Him in the purity, honesty, and faithfulness in children. When they smile I know what God meant for beauty. When I hear them laugh I can hear God laughing along with them and celebrating in their joy. So, I’m not surprised that when I gave my future to Christ He chose to use me in a way that I would always be aware of Him. To serve a child is to let God to do great things. God has told me things about the future and where he is leading me but for this time the vision He has given me is about staying where He has placed me and loving unconditionally. I have so many dreams about Africa, about starting orphanages, about teaching the uneducated children in remote villages, about seeing a generation of children confident and steadfast in their identities in Christ. Yet, today I am simply meant to be here in Uganda with my heart open to voice of the Lord and my eyes open to see the people around me. So, when God tells me that a child needs a mother figure, or that a deaf boy should be given a voice, or that there are children who need a chance to learn, that is living out the vision that God has placed on my life. Putting myself after others and putting God first, so that He can do the work. It’s His hand that will lead people to His Son, it is His voice that will change hearts, and His love that will redeem lives. I am just here to serve Him and to love those around me.

And so daily, I ask God that He would help me to become more faithful, more humble, and more willing to do anything for Him. My hope and trust are in Him and He will always be in control of everything, including me.

I’ve included some pictures of a few of the precious children that God has placed on my heart and are part of the vision that God has given me.

Familiar Faces

Bonjour tout le monde d’Afrique!

It’s only been eleven days since I returned to Gabon and already I’ve settled back into the rhythm of life here. I wish I could describe how wonderful it is to be back here with the country and people I fell in love with last spring, but it isn’t really something you can describe. It’s more than just feeling whole again because you’ve found that part of you that you’ve lost, it’s almost like your heart can finally be at peace because you are where you are meant to be, if that makes any sense. I am beyond excited to be back in Gabon for six weeks and to have the chance build on old relationships and begin new ones.

Oh, how I’ve missed the Gabonese people! There is just something so special and beautiful about these people. Since I’ve been back there have been a lot of happy moments, and all to do with seeing familiar faces. Going to the OSPAC medical clinic for the first time was one of those. The moment I walked in I was hailed by shouting and smothered in hugs and kisses. I kept hearing how much I had been missed and how happy they were that I had come back again, in English I might add (all of their English classes have really been paying off). We have fun, them trying to work on their English and us interns trying to speak in French. After the language barrier being so difficult last year and I am extremely thankful that already we are able to communicate! However, I still have more than a lot to learn and a lot to practice, so these next weeks I will be working hard on French. I’m hoping to improve a lot while I’m here!

We had the chance to go to Pastor Jacob’s house for dinner this past week and it was amazing! The Gabonese people really know how to entertain and throw a party! Not only were all of the OSPAC group there and all of us interns, but we also got to meet more of Pastor Jacob’s family. After an amazing dinner we danced (always my favorite part of these parties) for a few hours, then we sang and prayed together, and then danced some more. Just imagine about thirty people cramped into a tiny living room dancing African style…it was crazy!

Maybe the thing that I was looking forward to doing most when I got here was visiting Hope House, and on Saturday I was able to go. It was such a beautiful day. I know that I can’t fathom what heaven will look like, but seeing all of them rushing towards me, hearing their laughter and joy, I wonder if I had a glimpse what it will be like. I had told myself not to expect them to remember me, after all they meet so many new people every summer, but I was hoping a few of them might. I was wrong; as soon as I got there the children were shouting my name. I was smothered in hugs, many of the children wouldn’t let go of me for a few minutes. As some of the new children came over I could hear the others telling them who I was, and then I was given even more hugs. As soon as hugs were given the children all started talking to me about Christopher, a boy that captured my heart last time I was at Hope House. It turns out that the he went home for the summer just five days before I arrived in Gabon. This means I won’t have a chance to see him this summer. Hope House is a home for abandoned children and some of them have families that they visit during the summer. Even though it was hard to hear that I wouldn’t be able to see him I was really touched by how concerned the children were, they wanted to make sure I knew that he missed me and that he would be coming back. It wasn’t until after I got back to the center when I realized that I would have had two weeks with him if we had arrived in Gabon on our original flight. This is what is so hard for me to wrap my mind around because for the past year I’ve been praying over this boy and dreaming of the moment when I would see him again. And knowing that I would have had the chance…well, I wish I still had it. I know that we arrived in Gabon exactly when we were supposed to, so that means putting my trust in God with this too. I guess He had other plans for me and even though they are a little different than what I was expecting, I trust Him.

A big thank you, to everyone who brought me jump ropes to bring to the children at Hope House, the children LOVED them!! It was pretty special watching all of the younger children jumping rope outside together!

I was really excited that we made it to Gabon before my roommate from last year left. This past week was amazing! It was hard saying goodbye to, Olivia but I look forward to many Sykpe dates in the future! 

Things are going really well here and it’s been great for the Gabon 8 to have the chance to grow even closer. Last night, the first team arrived so from now on out we will have an even fuller house and be a lot busier! If today was anything like the rest of the summer it’s going to be crazy and a lot of fun.

I love and miss you all!

     Shannon

Prayer Requests:

·         I would find my peace and strength in the Lord, especially on those longer days.

·         That my French would continue to improve and that it might be used it well.

·         For the last bit of my financial needs to be met (I still need $150 in monthly support)

·         Safety for all of the teams and interns coming in and leaving this summer.

He Always Answers

I'm having a hard time keeping time straight here and I never know which day it is. It seems like I've  I've been gone for a very long time and yet I've only arrived. I am already missing so many of you back home, even though it has only been 5 days. But God is good and faithful.

God uses everything to draw us closer to Him, if we let Him. Selfishly, I want that to be the reason behind all of this. Him wanting me to draw closer to Him. But I know that this is about so much more than me. It isn't easy though. I know that my time in Ensenada is a chance for me to fall even deeper into His arms and I know that I will need Him to get through this time as well. After all, He is my Strength, my Comforter, and my Trust. It is Him who I will learn to lean on for each and every day.
It isn't that I doubt where I'm supposed to be. Or that I don't like it here. In fact I do. It's hard to explain but I just can't seem to find peace here. I am restless. I feel like my heart is already in Africa and as much as I try to find it here, I can't. It seems as if here I am only able to access my strength, my love, my joy, instead of His strength, love, and joy. It isn't enough and I know that. I can feel the difference and it hurts because I want to be alive here as well. I want to be present and useful to Him here in Mexico. I want to be doing His work because I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now, but I just can't seem to find myself here.

I keep calling out to God, asking for answers. His answer is always the same, "I am here." Which means that He is with me and that I can lean on Him. It also means that I have to trust Him with Africa while He is asking me to wait in Mexico. So, starting tonight, I let go of all that I'm waiting for. I want to see Him here, and if I am looking towards that future I'll miss Him because He is a God who is at work today. Which means that He is at work in Mexico and is waiting for me to ask to be a part of it. That means that I need to start each morning on my knees asking for His heart for Mexico, for today, for these people, for His children, for His mission here, for His never ending love and compassion. I want to feel His burning love here just as I do for the people of Africa. I want to laugh each day as I see His plans unfold and come to serve alongside His missionaries here. I want to end each day in prayer, praying over this country, over those I've worked with, for His kingdom to come here, for His blessings to pour out over these people.

I know that I won't leave Mexico until He calls me to leave and I am content to wait for that call. I don't need to keep asking when it will come. I know when it will come. When His work and mine is done here. So, with His heart for this place, I will rejoice that I am meant to stay here and that I have a chance to share His love with His most beloved children here in Mexico. I am so honored that He has asked and trusted me to serve here and given me a the opportunity to see His kingdom come in Mexico. Tonight, I will go to sleep completely at peace for the first time since I arrived in Mexico, excited for tomorrow to come and not wanting to be anywhere else.

We Are the Blessed

     This past week I had my wisdom teeth removed. I decided to have the surgery now because I didn't want them to become impacted while I was overseas. This wasn't my first surgery or my first time under and I figured that I'd be up and running after maybe two days. Well, it's day five and I'm only now starting to feel a little better. Last night, I was thinking about how such a small surgery can cause so much pain and how I had wanted to get this done. But then in that moment I was convicted. For a moment I saw just how blessed and ridiculously well-off I am. If I want to have a simple surgery even though it's not life or death, I can schedule one for next week in a clean, safe, and comfortable room. If the surgery causes me pain, I can ask for painkillers. If I need more painkillers, I just make a call to my doctor and then pick them up from the pharmacy. If I need to rest for a few days, people understand and are eager to help me. If I can't eat anything, people will bring me food or liquids. If I say I'm in pain, people are there to comfort me and make me feel better. If anything goes wrong, I go back to the doctor and they fix it. And through the whole thing everyone goes out of their way to wish that I feel better and tell me how sorry they are for me. Why are they sorry for me? Many people around the world are dying because they do not have any of these resources and they are in life or death situations, and I am complaining because of some discomfort while on my pain medication.

I am shaking my head at myself, how could I be so clueless and act as if I deserve better; I live the better already.

• Around 1 billion people don't have access to clean water, that's 1 in every 8 people.
• 1 out of every 5 deaths under the age of 5 worldwide is due to a water-related disease.
• Nearly 80% of illness in developing countries is linked to poor water and sanitation conditions. 
• Half of the world's hospital beds are filled with people suffering from a water-related disease.
• Around 25,000 people die every day from hunger, many of whom are children.
• AIDS kills 1.5 million people a year.
• Close to a million people die from Malaria each year and millions more are weakened from it, 90% of those people live in Africa.
• Diarrhea kills over 1.5 million people each year, most of them children.
• Pneumonia kills 1.5 million children alone, each year.

1. A single well can provide clean water for the whole village, and not only offer clean drinking water but clean water for sanitation and hygiene as well.
2. There is plenty of food in the world for everyone.
3. AIDS, Malaria, Diarrhea, and Pneumonia are all treatable and preventable. 

 

      It's pretty easy to complain or feel sorry for yourself, there is always something that could be better. Yet how often do we look at our lives and see all of the ways that our life is already better than most of the world. Today, I am in a little pain from getting my wisdom teeth out, on the other side of the world children are starving to death, dying from preventable diseases, and all without and any medicine. 

     Maybe this is how the world has been working for a while; some people have everything and others nothing. Maybe it's always the lucky ones who survive because they only look out for themselves. But this is not how it has always been, and this is not how it was meant to be. I won't accept that I am one of the "lucky" or "blessed" ones, simply for my own good. No, I know that because I have been blessed I am responsible to share my blessings with others. The more I am blessed, the more I will give and bless. Nothing I have is mine, and nothing I have was meant for me. Not even my own life. We are meant to bless others with everything we have, and that is why we are blessed so much. 

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked (Luke 12:48b).

Seeing Jesus

O Jesus- You who suffer, grant that, today and every day,

I may be able to see you in the person of your sick ones and that,

by offering them my care, I may serve you. 

Grant that, even if you are hidden under unattractive disguise of anger, 

crime, or of madness, I may recognize you and say, 

"Jesus, you who suffer, how sweet it is to serve you." 

Give me, Lord, this vision of faith, and my work will never be monotonous, 

I will find joy in harboring whims and desire of all the poor who suffer. 

Dear sick one, you are still more beloved to me because you represent Christ. 

What a privilege I am granted in being able to take care of you! 

O God, since you are Jesus how suffers, 

deign to be for me also a Jesus who is patient, indulgent with my faults,

who looks only at my intentions, which are to love you 

and to serve you in the person of each of these children of yours who suffer. 

Lord, increase my faith. Bless my efforts and my work, now and forever.
Mother Teresa

    It's easy to look around and see that things could be better, but sometimes you

don't realize that things are better for you.  If you can't look at your life and

see all that God has done and it good, then what type of life are you living? 

Often times all we see is; what is going wrong, what should be happening, 

or what we think needs to change. But do we take the time to see what is truly 

happening and going on around us? Do we know the people who we are calling 

the problem or blaming? Can we see the beauty in the darkness? Because without 

seeing things and people as they are, how can we hope to understand what beauty 

looks like. If our primary goal is to fix people instead of knowing them, then we will 

never understand what God's plan is for the world or see what is beautiful.

I am so glad that I don't have to worry about fixing anything, because honestly,

I don't think that I would be any good at it. Life isn't about fixing things though,

it's about discovering who you are and being confident that you are needed here. 

It's about the journey that one goes takes, the trip. It's about the people who you 

walk alongside. It's about forgiving and letting go of the things that don't matter, 

so that you can hold onto and go after the things that do. It's about discovering 

that you are not alone and that you you were never meant to live that way. It's about 

realizing that you can make a difference in someone's life just by supporting them 

and being there for them. It's about understanding that a person longs to be; loved, 

accepted, and to belong, and choosing to love, accept, and give belonging to each 

person you meet. It's not just meeting someone's physical needs but helping them 

meet all their needs. This is why it's so important for each one of us to know who we 

are. We are the ones who are meant to go. We are the ones meant to love. We are the 

ones meant to walk alongside the world. God isn't just calling a few to be His hands

and feet, He has  commanded all of us to go and bring His love to the world. Are you

living out His heart for the nations? Because His plan is bringing justice and 

redemption to the whole earth. Can you hear His heart beating for His people?

Will you answer?

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
   ³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
   ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
   ⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  ^{Matthew 25:31-40}

Frustrations...

I'm back in Redding, actually I've been here for a full four days almost. I wish I could say that it's been a purely happy reunion, but I can't. Yes, I have LOVED seeing my friends and family again, and getting to go to church and understand the message was amazing. And I do love Redding, it's a great place. But the truth is, it's really hard to try and fit yourself back into a space when you've grown and don't fit anymore. And what's even harder is is experiencing and doing all that you've ever wanted too and are so passionate about and then having to stop and leave, because you now know what it's like when your heart is fully alive and you are so aware of that absence. I know left part of my heart behind in Africa because when I think about Gabon or the people, I can't help but cry. Not just tears but my heart cries out too. I don't want to be here and have everything at finger tips, I want to back there with nothing. I'd so much rather have nothing then have everything and not give anything.

When I think about the fact that poverty and hunger and a lot of deaths could end and be prevented today, if everyone just gave and helped a little...I can't even explain how heartbreaking it is that people don't care enough to help those who can't help themselves. How messed up are we? And how do people live with themselves knowing that they could be saving children's lives if they cared enough? I'm really not sure what is sadder, the fact that most people solely care about themselves or that there is still poverty and starvation in this world. It isn't okay to ignoring what's happening to around the world just because it's easier. And it isn't really that hard to help someone. It is however much easier to go about life never thinking or worrying about anything or anyone but you, because as soon as you start they are always on your mind and you are very aware of what you have. But I would never trade a life of thinking and crying for a life of ignorance or indifference. And it is upsetting that people can and that people do. I'll never understand how people don't care. How do you turn your heart off? I would change the world today if I could, but I can't. And as much as I hope to see the world change someday, I hope that people's hearts change even more. That the day comes when people care enough to stand up and make a difference together, ending something horrible. But I won't wait for that day. And I won't accept what the world says is okay, that poverty and starvation, that abandoned children and sickness, are all okay. Because they aren't! And you can't make them okay by saying it's okay or ignoring them, because they will still be there as rampant and deadly as ever. This is me, just one person trying to figure out and come to terms with the fact that most people just don't care, and I can't change that or them. I wish I could. But for now I'll just have to care, for everyone.