Our Anointed Calling

     I may not be the wisest or oldest person but I know that happiness is not what any of us truly desire. The world tells us it is what we should strive for and many have convinced themselves that happiness is all that they are after, but if it really was our heart desire to simply be happy, we would be. Instead we are constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have, because nothing makes us happy enough. 
     I've met people in life who are happy, but their happiness is not based on their circumstances, their financial means, or anything that they have acheived. They are happy because it is not their end goal and they have allowed themselves to enjoy the moments of today. Maybe coincidentally, the happiest people I've met seem to be children who have nothing. But I don't really believe in coincidences, these children have accepted that life is hard and choose to laugh and play all the same. We could learn something from them. 
     See I think that we assume that happy and easy go hand and hand, but happiness is not based on anything but our choice to be so, and therefore can be one of the hardest things to obtain if that is what we are after. Our warped view of happiness is that it should meet all of our hopes, expectations, and dreams, and therefore it must be costly and hard to reach. As if we could ever gain happiness from striving after it. Happiness is free and limitless, it comes naturally with knowing and accepting who we are and opening our eyes to the depth of God's love towards for us. But again, I don't think that this is what any of us truly desire as our end goal, we have a heart after God's own and we know that we were created to be more than just happy.  
     So, why do we live our lives like that is what we are after? Do we not realize that whatever it is that we choose to devote ourselves to becomes the most important thing to us?
     I don't want to be happy. I want to be so much more than that. I want to live, not how anyone else thinks I should live but exactly how I was created to live, fully alive. I want to dance, not only when the time is right, but always, in each and every moment of life. I want to worship, and not depending on any circumstance of life but solely on Christ's unchanging love, therefore it should be my only response through eternity. I want to know and see God, not just know about or be waiting to see, I want to really know Him and really see Him, now. And I want to be, like a tree just as God created it to be; ever-changing, always growing, dependent only on God, standing tall, rooted deep, blooming exactly where God planted it, and always pointing upwards at it's Creator. 
    No, happiness was never meant to satisfy us or to be our end goal, because that would mean it was filling the place that only God is meant to stay. No, I don't want to be happy. I want to be loved. Not by anyone, but by Someone, and see the wonderful crazy thing is, that I am. Already, nothing I can do about it, never going change, end goal, done.
    We were never meant to be happy, because we were anointed to be loved by God our Father, and it's way better to be loved than just happy! 

Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Struggles and Joys of Living in Uganda

        Most days are really hard for me. I wake up tired and I go to bed even more exhausted. Each day is a struggle just to get through. Sometimes, I just can’t handle seeing another hungry child but that isn’t something that I can choose to avoid. There are days when I don’t want to laugh or smile because the pain I feel goes so deep. I’ve never been okay with how things are in Uganda or the world really. Every day, I am surrounded by great need and almost always there is nothing I can do about it. That simple fact is what makes each day a little harder. I came to the end of myself a long time ago and now the only thing that keeps me going is the strength of the Lord. I know that this is exactly where I belong, so I won't leave. The truth is, it's because of all of the hard things and struggles that I know I am meant to be here. I don't plan to walk away when no one else can. ;

 So, I forget about yesterday. I stop thinking about tomorrow. Instead, I simply focus on what God has given me today. I hate what I see but I find comfort in knowing that so does God and that He has had a plan in place since the beginning. And while leaning on Him I somehow find a way to open my heart again and reach out in love to those around me. Maybe I won’t be able to do anything against poverty, hunger, disease, pain, death, loneliness, or suffering, but I can walk alongside those who are already fighting these things and maybe I can bring them a little hope. God didn’t call me to Africa to change it, just to love people and humble myself to a place of understanding. So, while it can be very hard to see and feel success in the work I am doing, I know that I am serving my Lord each day and that is enough. 

                I want to tell you a story; a true one. I want to give you a glimpse into my life here and what I see and face each day. This is a story that isn’t finished yet, in fact I only became a part in this story on Friday. It’s a story about one of the families in the village, and a family that the Lord immediately laid on my heart. It was our last day in Zirobwe and we had planned to do some evangelism. To me evangelism simply means that you listen to people, that you open yourself up and are honest with them, that you try to encourage them where they are at, and try and meet any needs that they might have. This last part I feel is really important, because unless you show someone’s Christ’s love and meet their physical needs how can they understand His love and have their spiritual needs filled. I also believe that God brings us to certain people for a reason and He has given us everything we need to bless that person. 

Fred and Sarah

       On Friday we split into small groups and went out and tried to encourage people.  We were eagerly welcomed at the first house by a grandmother and her three grandchildren. She quickly ran inside her mud house and laid out mats for us to sit on and thanked us for coming to her home. She told us all she had to offer us was pineapple and asked us to sit while she prepared it for us. I watched her run around the small house stepping over a hen and its chicks while she searched for a knife to cut the fruit with, and I remember hearing a small whisper telling me that I was at this women’s home for a reason. Soon she began sharing her life with us and about all the struggles that she was dealing with. This woman was the sole caretaker of her three grandchildren and two of her sons who also lived there. She could barely walk on her good days because of extreme pain and swelling in her knees, and on bad days she couldn’t move. Her husband had died years ago and one of her sons had run away leaving her with his three children. The only source of food or income that she had was her garden, which was not ready to provide harvest for them yet. So, the six of them were living off of her youngest (12yrs) son’s earnings. He would spend the day helping dig ditches or working in someone’s field to earn 1,000-2,000 shillings, an equivalent of about 50-70 cents. With this money they were able to buy posho (a kind of flour mixed with water and usually sugar) and water it down to feed all of them. Her eldest grandchild Sarah was fighting malaria and had run out of medicine. In fact the first set of medicine the grandmother had borrowed because she was unable to pay for it, and wouldn’t be able to get more until she had. None of her grandchildren (ages 7, 5, and 4) or her 12 year old son Frank were in school. They didn’t have money for school fees, uniforms, or books and pencils. Both their saucepan and jury-can (a large can you carry water in) had broken. This family was literally living on nothing. I had the chance to share a little of my testimony and how God had healed me and saved me from blindness, and I prayed healing over her. Since this was a family that knew the Lord, we were able to encourage them and just remind them that He is our provider and strength.

Jajja, Me, Frank, Fred, Alowless, and Sarah

I also promised her that I would try and help because I knew that this was why the Lord had brought me to this beautiful family. I told her that I would try and find sponsors for the four children who needed to go to school. I already knew them from seeing them at Sunday school and Sarah was already very close to my heart. I had known for a while that I was meant to sponsor a child and had just been waiting for the Lord to show me which one. I knew that 7 year old Sarah was the one I had been waiting for. I knew that the Lord already had people who He wanted to sponsor, Frank (12 years), Fred (5 years), and little Alowless (4 years). I also was aware that God had blessed me the previous month with more than I needed to cover my monthly costs. I had been waiting for Him to tell me what it was for, and I immediately knew that it was for food and medicine for this family. See God always knows exactly what is going on in our lives, but what we often forget is that He wants to use us to bless others. He gives to us so that we may give to others. I had a chance to be a part of blessing this family and I was completely honored!

Yesterday, I went out and bought food, medicine, a saucepan, a jury-can so that I would be able to bring them to the village after church. Unfortunately, after getting sick last night I wasn’t feeling up to the long drive and asked my friend Hannah to bring it to them today. I was surprisingly alright with it. Of course, I wanted to be there. But it really isn’t something that was ever about me. I am just so glad that they were able to see that God provides for our needs. 

Here are some pictures of the family. If you would like to sponsor one of the children, please let me know! As soon as we get these children on the sponsorship list I will give you more information about it. Hopefully, in the next couple of days. But again, feel free to message me if you have any questions. 

Alowless- 4 years old

Sarah- 7 years old

Fred- 5 years old

Family portrait!

So, thank you to all of you who are supporting me, financially and through prayer, without you I wouldn’t be able to serve and love those around me. You are all a part of what God is doing here.

We Are the Blessed

     This past week I had my wisdom teeth removed. I decided to have the surgery now because I didn't want them to become impacted while I was overseas. This wasn't my first surgery or my first time under and I figured that I'd be up and running after maybe two days. Well, it's day five and I'm only now starting to feel a little better. Last night, I was thinking about how such a small surgery can cause so much pain and how I had wanted to get this done. But then in that moment I was convicted. For a moment I saw just how blessed and ridiculously well-off I am. If I want to have a simple surgery even though it's not life or death, I can schedule one for next week in a clean, safe, and comfortable room. If the surgery causes me pain, I can ask for painkillers. If I need more painkillers, I just make a call to my doctor and then pick them up from the pharmacy. If I need to rest for a few days, people understand and are eager to help me. If I can't eat anything, people will bring me food or liquids. If I say I'm in pain, people are there to comfort me and make me feel better. If anything goes wrong, I go back to the doctor and they fix it. And through the whole thing everyone goes out of their way to wish that I feel better and tell me how sorry they are for me. Why are they sorry for me? Many people around the world are dying because they do not have any of these resources and they are in life or death situations, and I am complaining because of some discomfort while on my pain medication.

I am shaking my head at myself, how could I be so clueless and act as if I deserve better; I live the better already.

• Around 1 billion people don't have access to clean water, that's 1 in every 8 people.
• 1 out of every 5 deaths under the age of 5 worldwide is due to a water-related disease.
• Nearly 80% of illness in developing countries is linked to poor water and sanitation conditions. 
• Half of the world's hospital beds are filled with people suffering from a water-related disease.
• Around 25,000 people die every day from hunger, many of whom are children.
• AIDS kills 1.5 million people a year.
• Close to a million people die from Malaria each year and millions more are weakened from it, 90% of those people live in Africa.
• Diarrhea kills over 1.5 million people each year, most of them children.
• Pneumonia kills 1.5 million children alone, each year.

1. A single well can provide clean water for the whole village, and not only offer clean drinking water but clean water for sanitation and hygiene as well.
2. There is plenty of food in the world for everyone.
3. AIDS, Malaria, Diarrhea, and Pneumonia are all treatable and preventable. 

 

      It's pretty easy to complain or feel sorry for yourself, there is always something that could be better. Yet how often do we look at our lives and see all of the ways that our life is already better than most of the world. Today, I am in a little pain from getting my wisdom teeth out, on the other side of the world children are starving to death, dying from preventable diseases, and all without and any medicine. 

     Maybe this is how the world has been working for a while; some people have everything and others nothing. Maybe it's always the lucky ones who survive because they only look out for themselves. But this is not how it has always been, and this is not how it was meant to be. I won't accept that I am one of the "lucky" or "blessed" ones, simply for my own good. No, I know that because I have been blessed I am responsible to share my blessings with others. The more I am blessed, the more I will give and bless. Nothing I have is mine, and nothing I have was meant for me. Not even my own life. We are meant to bless others with everything we have, and that is why we are blessed so much. 

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked (Luke 12:48b).

Frustrations...

I'm back in Redding, actually I've been here for a full four days almost. I wish I could say that it's been a purely happy reunion, but I can't. Yes, I have LOVED seeing my friends and family again, and getting to go to church and understand the message was amazing. And I do love Redding, it's a great place. But the truth is, it's really hard to try and fit yourself back into a space when you've grown and don't fit anymore. And what's even harder is is experiencing and doing all that you've ever wanted too and are so passionate about and then having to stop and leave, because you now know what it's like when your heart is fully alive and you are so aware of that absence. I know left part of my heart behind in Africa because when I think about Gabon or the people, I can't help but cry. Not just tears but my heart cries out too. I don't want to be here and have everything at finger tips, I want to back there with nothing. I'd so much rather have nothing then have everything and not give anything.

When I think about the fact that poverty and hunger and a lot of deaths could end and be prevented today, if everyone just gave and helped a little...I can't even explain how heartbreaking it is that people don't care enough to help those who can't help themselves. How messed up are we? And how do people live with themselves knowing that they could be saving children's lives if they cared enough? I'm really not sure what is sadder, the fact that most people solely care about themselves or that there is still poverty and starvation in this world. It isn't okay to ignoring what's happening to around the world just because it's easier. And it isn't really that hard to help someone. It is however much easier to go about life never thinking or worrying about anything or anyone but you, because as soon as you start they are always on your mind and you are very aware of what you have. But I would never trade a life of thinking and crying for a life of ignorance or indifference. And it is upsetting that people can and that people do. I'll never understand how people don't care. How do you turn your heart off? I would change the world today if I could, but I can't. And as much as I hope to see the world change someday, I hope that people's hearts change even more. That the day comes when people care enough to stand up and make a difference together, ending something horrible. But I won't wait for that day. And I won't accept what the world says is okay, that poverty and starvation, that abandoned children and sickness, are all okay. Because they aren't! And you can't make them okay by saying it's okay or ignoring them, because they will still be there as rampant and deadly as ever. This is me, just one person trying to figure out and come to terms with the fact that most people just don't care, and I can't change that or them. I wish I could. But for now I'll just have to care, for everyone.