Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Love Notes

I believe that God leaves us little notes, love notes per-say to remind us that He loves us. It’s the small things that make you feel loved, valued, and cared about. For me, it’s often the small prayers I say, ones that really have no importance in them that show me just how much God is paying attention to me and how well he knows me. So often He answers me even when it’s only a simple request of something I’d like, but could do very well without. It’s clear that He is answering me not because I need Him to, but because He wants me to know how much He loves me. 

                When I say a prayer asking for warm water, I always have hot water to shower in. Definitely something I don’t need. I can shower with cold water; I do it all the time. But on those days that I’m tired and seeking a little comfort, knowing that God has given me warm water is more than enough.

           
       Sometimes, when we boil our drinking water it doesn’t taste good. It’s clean and drinkable but tastes bad. There are times that I can only drink so much sour water with bugs and lots of other things floating in it. I really just want clean and refreshing water. This just happened the other night. I was so thirsty but I couldn’t bring myself to drink anymore of that unpleasant tasting water. I didn’t want to have to buy water the next day, so I said a prayer just asking God that the new water we boiled would taste better. Obviously, not something I need, and it was something that I felt kind of funny asking for. I man I have clean water to drink here and I was asking for water that tasted good too. So, the next morning when I went to fill up my water bottle not only did the water taste good but it was ice cold. I absolutely love cold water.  It blew my mind that once again God heard me and decided to bless me in a way that would let me know that He was thinking of me.

There are so many other ways that my God is always surprising me, leaving me little signs and reminding me of how much He cares for and loves me. He knows all of those small things that bring me joy and make me feel so loved, and He loves to proclaim His love for me.

 

 

Our God is Healer-Part 2

 Part 2

Saturday morning June 16th, was when it all started. We had gone to Hope House with the current team and were helping with crafts, games, and bible stories. All throughout the morning my contacts were bothering me and I kept rubbing at my left eye. We were only at Hope House for a couple hours but by the time we got back to the center I had a headache. I decided that I would stay home and rest for the remainder of the day instead of going to the beach with everyone else. Even after I had taken my contacts out my left eye was still throbbing and the headache was only getting worse, so I took some ibuprofen and tried to sleep it off.

Sunday morning was the same; my head and eye were still hurting. The pain was getting worse and ibuprofen wasn’t helping at all. My eye was completely bloodshot, swollen, and the light was making it burn. I stayed home from church hoping that by the afternoon I’d feel better. By the time lunch came around I did, sort of. The swelling around my eye had gone down a little and I could open my eye without the light burning it, too much. I thought I was on the mend. However, just a few hours later my eye was swollen again and hurting worse than before. The pain continued all day and once again I couldn’t sleep.

Monday morning I felt slightly better but I still went to OSPAC and had a nurse look at my eye, she gave me some eye drops and an anti-biotic cream to put in my eye while I slept. As soon as I got home I put the cream in my eye and tried to sleep (by this time I was getting pretty tired after not sleeping for two nights). I woke up feeling the worst I’d felt so far and my eye was starting to swell shut again. By this time I’d noticed that there was a white spot on my eye but I had no idea what it was and for some reason didn’t think much of it (probably because I wasn’t thinking straight anymore).  All of this time I had been pretty quiet about the pain, I have a high pain tolerance and have the mentality that eventually it will get better so I shouldn’t bother people with it.  Everyone knew my eye was bothering me and that I was in pain but nobody knew just how bad it was getting, because I was trying to stay positive about it.

Monday afternoon I stopped trying to hide how badly I was feeling and just went and curled up in my bed, sometimes crying when the pain was really intense. The girls all came in my room to check on me and realized that something was wrong (I should mention that most girls are in the medical field). They saw the white circle on my eye, researched it and realized that I had a corneal ulcer caused by bacteria. It was this time that I started to realize my vision was going. Before it was hard to see when my eye was swollen and sensitive to the light but then the swelling would go down I’d be able to see again, but now I could tell that it was getting a lot worse. I started keeping an ice pack or frozen peas on it all the time because it helped numb it slightly.  For the third night in a row I didn’t sleep.

Tuesday morning was when things changed. Here is what I remember. I woke up aware that I was in a lot of pain and stumbled off the couch to find some ice. I remember having a hard time getting to the kitchen because I couldn’t see anything out of my left eye and barely anything out of my right eye (this should have been a clue to me that something was seriously wrong…my right eye had nothing wrong with it but yet my vision was still affected). Someone stopped me and took me to the freezer to get the ice pack and then they led me back to the couch. I promptly curled up, the last thing I remember thinking was that I wished I could get someone to just take my eye out because I didn’t want it anymore. I couldn’t tell you anything that was going on around me that morning or who I talked too or anything, because I was completely out of it. Since then I’ve been filled in on what happened. I really have Daisy to thank, a nurse on the Grove City team because if she hadn’t realized how seriously and quickly I was going downhill that morning, I’m pretty sure I would have lost at least my vision. She was the one who had checked my eye in the beginning before anything looked wrong and had continued to encourage me to get it looked at. Apparently, she came over and asked me a few questions and became really concerned. So, Bongolo Hospital was called and Leanne went out and got both of the anti-biotic drops on their list. They also emailed a woman named Wendi who is an at Bongolo eye surgeon at Hospital (she currently is in the states getting ready to have a baby) to ask how serious this was and her opinion on what needed to be done. They came back to the house and set two people watch over me and to start putting drops in my eye every fifteen minutes.

As the afternoon went on the pain which had moved from just my eye to my entire head started to lessen and the swelling started to go down a little as well. Things became less blurry for me and I was able to start thinking straight again. I could tell that these gatifloxacin and atrophine drops were working. It had been decided that I would be flown to Bongolo Hospital the next morning to have the ulcer thoroughly examined, and then depending on how it looked it would be dictate whether or not I could stay in Gabon.

Tuesday night, I was told to prepare myself because if needed I would be sent back to the states to receive all available treatment. I was going to Bongolo to have my eye looked at but unless I was completely out of danger, I’d be going home. At this point I’d been on the anti-biotic treatment for a few hours, however due to the fact that I was starting the treatment so late (I’d had this ulcer for 4 days) it was thought unlikely that I would respond quickly to it. However, I knew that God had been healing me and that I was supposed to stay in Gabon. So, I trusted God.

I arrived at Bongolo hospital Wednesday around 2pm. We went straight from the landing strip to the hospital and I immediately had my eye examined.  It had been a little over 24 hours since I’d started putting drops in my eye and it was obviously getting better, I just didn’t know if it was healing fast enough that I could stay at Bongolo instead of going home. After a thorough exam and a call back to Wendi the head eye surgeon, it was decided that I could stay at the hospital and receive daily checkups. I was also to continue using both anti-biotics every 30 minutes.

Thursday morning, I was told that my ulcer which had been 1.8 millimeters when I arrived had shrunk to under 1 millimeter.

Each morning, I would walk down the giant hill to the hospital with Hannah and have my eye examined, and each time we would get positive news. Soon I was able to stop using the atrophine drops and just use the gatifloxacin drops every hour. My vision was coming back and the light was bothering me less and less. Sleeping at night was getting easier, I was of course sleeping in 1 hour increments but I was sleeping again. We were still waiting for the okay to travel back to Bongolo, I was starting to get a little antsy because I was feeling so much better and just wanted someone to agree with me that I was fine.

Monday morning, I was told the ulcer was gone and that there was only a small scar remaining. I was able to switch to drops every two hours. And the best news by far was that there was a good chance I would be able to leave the next day.

Tuesday, I was given the okay to return to Libreville, just six days after my arrival. My eye was completely healed. All that was left was a little scar, which I gladly keep.

As, we flew back to the capital I was able to gaze out at the bright blue sky and glistening white clouds as if nothing had ever affected my vision. It was a moment of pure adoration and wonder at the power and deep compassion of the Lord. I know that my life is forever changed by the work God completed in my life and I can only hope that it will bring hope to others who need a small miracle of their own. Never doubt the will or power of God. He loves to do the impossible for His children!

Psalms 138, Luke 12:48, Matthew 25:23

Psalms 138

Thanksgiving for the Lord's Favor

¹I will give You thanks with all my heart;
I will sing praises to You before the gods.
² I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word according to all Your name.
³ On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

 ⁴ All the kings of the earth will give thanks to You, O LORD,
When they have heard the words of Your mouth.
⁵ And they will sing of the ways of the LORD,
For great is the glory of the LORD.
⁶ For though the LORD is exalted,
Yet He regards the lowly,
But the haughty He knows from afar.

 ⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
⁸ The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

         This is one of my favorite scriptures. David knows how greatly he has been blessed, he knows what the Lord is doing and what He will accomplish; he is thankful for those Victories.  I love the Psalms in general; the passion, the honesty, the brokenness, the redemption, the faith, and the relationship between David and His Father. From the depths of his heart David knows the Lord. I cannot help but think that all of our hearts were meant to cry out to the Father in this way. We were created to declare who He is, to proclaim His glory, to shout out to Him with our praises. This is how I want to live my life, from this place.
        As I think back on 2011, I can see the same things occurred; the passion, the honesty, the brokenness, the redemption, the faith, and the relationship between my Father and I. It starts when God gives us a deep burning passion for something greater than ourselves. When we accept it fully it forces us to be honest; honest about ourselves, honest about the world, honest about our fears. When we are being honest it brings us to a place of brokenness, broken and so far from the passion that is weighing on our hearts. In our brokenness we question, we fight, and finally we call out in desperation. And our Father hears us, He redeems us; He redeems our lives and He redeems His plans for us. From His grace we are able to take a step in faith, knowing He redeems. God can do great things with just the smallest amount of faith, and through faith we are brought closer to Him. He has always given us a choice and when we finally chose to trust Him, He blesses us and draws us closer to Him. Our relationship with our Father is strongest when we have given ourselves completely to Him, and it grows stronger when instead of making a choice in faith we willing act in faith out of  love and trust.
       I believe that the Lord loves each and every one of us with an unfathomable love, but I also know that He bless some with favor. It's not something you can earn but something He freely gives when He pursues you, before you even know Him. He gives you a different set of eyes and a small piece of His heart, so that you might know what love is. Yet by knowing what true eternal love is, we have a responsibility. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more (Luke 12:48)". Whenever I read this passage I cannot help but be completely convicted; I have been given much, much will be required of me. It's a conviction that hold my life, and fills me with joy and hope and eagerness. I am ready to give everything. I know that my life is what is required of me and I could not be happier to give it. “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’(Matthew 25:23)". Someday, I will be entrusted with many, but for today I will try to be faithful with the few I've been given; for they are just as important as the many. I know that great joy comes from being faithful, especially during the hard or unexpected times and it is one of my greatest hopes, to learn what faithfulness truly is and to live by it. I want to just be many things, but for now I struggle; struggle to be faithful, struggle to be obedient, struggle to be selfless, struggle to be generous with everything. This year I know I'll be struggling with all of these even more, but I know that with the Lord's mercy and His never-ending faithfulness I'll learn how to be just a little more; a little more faithful, a little more obedient, a little more selfless, a little more generous with everything. So, I'm okay with the struggle because it's means that this year I'll be relying on God even more, and that is exactly where I want to be.