Our Anointed Calling

     I may not be the wisest or oldest person but I know that happiness is not what any of us truly desire. The world tells us it is what we should strive for and many have convinced themselves that happiness is all that they are after, but if it really was our heart desire to simply be happy, we would be. Instead we are constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have, because nothing makes us happy enough. 
     I've met people in life who are happy, but their happiness is not based on their circumstances, their financial means, or anything that they have acheived. They are happy because it is not their end goal and they have allowed themselves to enjoy the moments of today. Maybe coincidentally, the happiest people I've met seem to be children who have nothing. But I don't really believe in coincidences, these children have accepted that life is hard and choose to laugh and play all the same. We could learn something from them. 
     See I think that we assume that happy and easy go hand and hand, but happiness is not based on anything but our choice to be so, and therefore can be one of the hardest things to obtain if that is what we are after. Our warped view of happiness is that it should meet all of our hopes, expectations, and dreams, and therefore it must be costly and hard to reach. As if we could ever gain happiness from striving after it. Happiness is free and limitless, it comes naturally with knowing and accepting who we are and opening our eyes to the depth of God's love towards for us. But again, I don't think that this is what any of us truly desire as our end goal, we have a heart after God's own and we know that we were created to be more than just happy.  
     So, why do we live our lives like that is what we are after? Do we not realize that whatever it is that we choose to devote ourselves to becomes the most important thing to us?
     I don't want to be happy. I want to be so much more than that. I want to live, not how anyone else thinks I should live but exactly how I was created to live, fully alive. I want to dance, not only when the time is right, but always, in each and every moment of life. I want to worship, and not depending on any circumstance of life but solely on Christ's unchanging love, therefore it should be my only response through eternity. I want to know and see God, not just know about or be waiting to see, I want to really know Him and really see Him, now. And I want to be, like a tree just as God created it to be; ever-changing, always growing, dependent only on God, standing tall, rooted deep, blooming exactly where God planted it, and always pointing upwards at it's Creator. 
    No, happiness was never meant to satisfy us or to be our end goal, because that would mean it was filling the place that only God is meant to stay. No, I don't want to be happy. I want to be loved. Not by anyone, but by Someone, and see the wonderful crazy thing is, that I am. Already, nothing I can do about it, never going change, end goal, done.
    We were never meant to be happy, because we were anointed to be loved by God our Father, and it's way better to be loved than just happy! 

True Love

I know that I just wrote a blog entry a few days ago but I wanted to celebrate with you all that has happened. You may know of my dear Nettie, the 3 year old girl that has captured my heart here in Uganda. I've written of how she has changed in the past seven months and of the first time that I saw her smile. I also mentioned in a recent post that one of the things I was most looking forward to was seeing her laugh. It may have been clear that I love this little girl a lot. In fact, all I want is to be with her every moment of every day. But this is what I want to share with you, she loves me as well.

 I had the chance to spend the last two days with my Nehema (her full name) and it was more than perfect. She is more than perfect. When we arrived she was waiting for me. She smiled almost as much as I did. She played and laughed (something I have been long awaiting). She held me tightly and wouldn't let go. When it was time for me to leave today, she broke down in tears. This from the child who never showed emotion except when she was angry. This from the girl who screamed when I first held her. This from my beautiful Nettie and all because she wants me to love her. She knows I do and she is happy in my arms because she loves me too!

All I want is to take care of her and love her more than anyone has ever loved another person. I want her to grow up full of joy and knowing that she is loved. And I see that future for her know. One where her smile comes easily and her laugh is contagious. Somehow I know that I will be there too. I love her and time will not change that love. I've loved a lot of people and a lot of children, but I've never felt that it was so important for me to love them. I love her like she was my child and knowing that she has no mother to love her makes it so clear to me, that is why I'm here. True love.

Here For A Reason

Psalm 59: 16-17

But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
 my God on whom I can rely.

     Tomorrow marks the six month point of my two year stay in Africa. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve been gone that long, though maybe the unchanging weather has something to do with that since it hardly feels like its Thanksgiving either. But reaching that point in my trip does make me feel like I can wrap my head around this crazy plan of mine; I’ve been gone this long, what’s another eighteen months. I really have fallen in love with this beautiful country and its people. And I daily remind myself how beyond lucky and blessed I am to be living here and doing everything that I so love to do. I expect God to show up and He has never disappointed me. In fact, usually He blows my mind in the huge ways He works on the behalf of myself and others. I am exactly who I’m meant to be and I am so happy to be here.

     There days when I feel like I get so much more than I give. When a child expresses how much they care about me, and I can only wonder why. After all, what have I done to receive such love and devotion?  I want to share a letter with you. I was given it last week when I was at Newbrain Storm Primary school and it reach touched me. Reminding me of how the little things we do can have a much bigger impact than we realize.  The letter is from an 11 year old boy in my class at Newbrain Storm Primary school. Probably one of the brightest and sweetest of children that I have ever met, and I’ve met a whole lot of amazing children. I will mention that this letter was one of 8 that He gave me that day and that the others were very similar.

  

John and Me

           Dear Friend,

How are you? I am here missing you like my mother. I love you like my mother, because my mother died in 2002. But my friend you’re my best friend, and I can tell you about my life. Please, my friend, you are the one I’ve been waiting for, to be loved as a friend. My friend, I did not do my exams because I have no school fees. But as for me I am not really fine because since I did not take my exams I will remain in the P4 class. But I would like to go to into the P5 class. As for me, I will always love you as my mother because on Tuesday you made me not feel hungry. I am the best when I don’t feel hungry as I was. When I grow up I want to be like my Aunt Shannon and work hard like her, so that I can help people too. 

Thank you!

John 

And on the back of this letter he drew a picture of the two of us, labeled “John” and “Mother Shannon.” 

     I read this letter and started crying. Sometimes, I feel as if there is no way that these children can ever understand how much I love them and how much more God loves them. And then you get a letter like John’s and you realize that some how they do. It breaks my heart and means everything to me that these children whom I love SO much know that not only do I care and that I will be there for them, but that God will always take care of them. I work with kids who come from situations that are really hard, like John, who has no parents (his father left a while ago), is always hungry, and yet tells me that He always prays to God because He knows that God provides for him. It literally blows my mind. If I was in his place, I don’t know if I would trust God so completely. I wonder how a child can be so confident, when they have only ever been abandoned in their life. But that is exactly how strong and powerful and life changing God’s love is. It covers and reaches beyond everything and it cannot be challenged. And when you feel it, you know without a doubt that it never fails.

Love Notes

I believe that God leaves us little notes, love notes per-say to remind us that He loves us. It’s the small things that make you feel loved, valued, and cared about. For me, it’s often the small prayers I say, ones that really have no importance in them that show me just how much God is paying attention to me and how well he knows me. So often He answers me even when it’s only a simple request of something I’d like, but could do very well without. It’s clear that He is answering me not because I need Him to, but because He wants me to know how much He loves me. 

                When I say a prayer asking for warm water, I always have hot water to shower in. Definitely something I don’t need. I can shower with cold water; I do it all the time. But on those days that I’m tired and seeking a little comfort, knowing that God has given me warm water is more than enough.

           
       Sometimes, when we boil our drinking water it doesn’t taste good. It’s clean and drinkable but tastes bad. There are times that I can only drink so much sour water with bugs and lots of other things floating in it. I really just want clean and refreshing water. This just happened the other night. I was so thirsty but I couldn’t bring myself to drink anymore of that unpleasant tasting water. I didn’t want to have to buy water the next day, so I said a prayer just asking God that the new water we boiled would taste better. Obviously, not something I need, and it was something that I felt kind of funny asking for. I man I have clean water to drink here and I was asking for water that tasted good too. So, the next morning when I went to fill up my water bottle not only did the water taste good but it was ice cold. I absolutely love cold water.  It blew my mind that once again God heard me and decided to bless me in a way that would let me know that He was thinking of me.

There are so many other ways that my God is always surprising me, leaving me little signs and reminding me of how much He cares for and loves me. He knows all of those small things that bring me joy and make me feel so loved, and He loves to proclaim His love for me.