He Always Answers

I'm having a hard time keeping time straight here and I never know which day it is. It seems like I've  I've been gone for a very long time and yet I've only arrived. I am already missing so many of you back home, even though it has only been 5 days. But God is good and faithful.

God uses everything to draw us closer to Him, if we let Him. Selfishly, I want that to be the reason behind all of this. Him wanting me to draw closer to Him. But I know that this is about so much more than me. It isn't easy though. I know that my time in Ensenada is a chance for me to fall even deeper into His arms and I know that I will need Him to get through this time as well. After all, He is my Strength, my Comforter, and my Trust. It is Him who I will learn to lean on for each and every day.
It isn't that I doubt where I'm supposed to be. Or that I don't like it here. In fact I do. It's hard to explain but I just can't seem to find peace here. I am restless. I feel like my heart is already in Africa and as much as I try to find it here, I can't. It seems as if here I am only able to access my strength, my love, my joy, instead of His strength, love, and joy. It isn't enough and I know that. I can feel the difference and it hurts because I want to be alive here as well. I want to be present and useful to Him here in Mexico. I want to be doing His work because I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now, but I just can't seem to find myself here.

I keep calling out to God, asking for answers. His answer is always the same, "I am here." Which means that He is with me and that I can lean on Him. It also means that I have to trust Him with Africa while He is asking me to wait in Mexico. So, starting tonight, I let go of all that I'm waiting for. I want to see Him here, and if I am looking towards that future I'll miss Him because He is a God who is at work today. Which means that He is at work in Mexico and is waiting for me to ask to be a part of it. That means that I need to start each morning on my knees asking for His heart for Mexico, for today, for these people, for His children, for His mission here, for His never ending love and compassion. I want to feel His burning love here just as I do for the people of Africa. I want to laugh each day as I see His plans unfold and come to serve alongside His missionaries here. I want to end each day in prayer, praying over this country, over those I've worked with, for His kingdom to come here, for His blessings to pour out over these people.

I know that I won't leave Mexico until He calls me to leave and I am content to wait for that call. I don't need to keep asking when it will come. I know when it will come. When His work and mine is done here. So, with His heart for this place, I will rejoice that I am meant to stay here and that I have a chance to share His love with His most beloved children here in Mexico. I am so honored that He has asked and trusted me to serve here and given me a the opportunity to see His kingdom come in Mexico. Tonight, I will go to sleep completely at peace for the first time since I arrived in Mexico, excited for tomorrow to come and not wanting to be anywhere else.