Our Anointed Calling

     I may not be the wisest or oldest person but I know that happiness is not what any of us truly desire. The world tells us it is what we should strive for and many have convinced themselves that happiness is all that they are after, but if it really was our heart desire to simply be happy, we would be. Instead we are constantly unhappy and unsatisfied with what we have, because nothing makes us happy enough. 
     I've met people in life who are happy, but their happiness is not based on their circumstances, their financial means, or anything that they have acheived. They are happy because it is not their end goal and they have allowed themselves to enjoy the moments of today. Maybe coincidentally, the happiest people I've met seem to be children who have nothing. But I don't really believe in coincidences, these children have accepted that life is hard and choose to laugh and play all the same. We could learn something from them. 
     See I think that we assume that happy and easy go hand and hand, but happiness is not based on anything but our choice to be so, and therefore can be one of the hardest things to obtain if that is what we are after. Our warped view of happiness is that it should meet all of our hopes, expectations, and dreams, and therefore it must be costly and hard to reach. As if we could ever gain happiness from striving after it. Happiness is free and limitless, it comes naturally with knowing and accepting who we are and opening our eyes to the depth of God's love towards for us. But again, I don't think that this is what any of us truly desire as our end goal, we have a heart after God's own and we know that we were created to be more than just happy.  
     So, why do we live our lives like that is what we are after? Do we not realize that whatever it is that we choose to devote ourselves to becomes the most important thing to us?
     I don't want to be happy. I want to be so much more than that. I want to live, not how anyone else thinks I should live but exactly how I was created to live, fully alive. I want to dance, not only when the time is right, but always, in each and every moment of life. I want to worship, and not depending on any circumstance of life but solely on Christ's unchanging love, therefore it should be my only response through eternity. I want to know and see God, not just know about or be waiting to see, I want to really know Him and really see Him, now. And I want to be, like a tree just as God created it to be; ever-changing, always growing, dependent only on God, standing tall, rooted deep, blooming exactly where God planted it, and always pointing upwards at it's Creator. 
    No, happiness was never meant to satisfy us or to be our end goal, because that would mean it was filling the place that only God is meant to stay. No, I don't want to be happy. I want to be loved. Not by anyone, but by Someone, and see the wonderful crazy thing is, that I am. Already, nothing I can do about it, never going change, end goal, done.
    We were never meant to be happy, because we were anointed to be loved by God our Father, and it's way better to be loved than just happy! 

Our Pursuit

In our pursuit to know God more what is it that we are searching for? And are we waiting for something to happen or are we allowing each day to change us? Do our lives look different because we know Christ and are living for Him? I often ask myself these questions and I'm not sure that I have the right answers, but I know that I will continue to search out His truth and I know that one day I will be with the one I am seeking. 

First, I have to ask myself honestly, am I on a journey to know God more? To me this simply means that I desire to being walking towards the Lord and that I would rather see, hear, and serve Him more than I wish to see, hear, or serve myself. Is this the case every moment, maybe not, I struggle every day. But even though I lose focus sometimes my heart still yearns for Him and I will continue to seek Him through the end of all things. If I ask myself what I would want most in life, the answer is clear and unvarying, I want Christ. I have found that earthly pleasures do not last and bring no joy or peace, yet the love of Christ lasts through eternity and brings complete joy and peace. Why would I spend my life searching after anything less than truth and why would I choose to serve anyone other than my Savior? I give my life to know Christ and to be changed by His great love and to be filled by His uncontainable joy.

I don’t believe that we are just waiting for Christ’s return. Nor do I think that each day doesn’t matter. If God didn’t have something for you to do then you wouldn’t be on this earth. If you still wake with breath in your lungs then God is not finished with you. It is simple to wait for the future, it is easy to remember the past, but it is harder to live in the present. Instead of looking towards what is ahead of you, we should be a part of Christ’s work here on earth today. And often He begins with changing you. How can we expect to serve Christ when we have not surrendered our whole lives to Him? If we don’t allow God to change us each day than how can He draw us closer to Him? I know that God has really been working in my life through the past few years and has changed me as I’ve grown closer to Him. But at the same time I know that I have a long journey ahead of me and I and my reflection often looks more like me than like my Savior. There are many things that I can feel the Lord chipping away at and refining so that I do not stand in the way of His perfection.

If I could learn to have a humble heart and unwavering willingness to love and serve every person that I see, than I would know that I have finally begun to follow Christ unconditionally. Living in a third world country has taught me that you can always go farther and do more to love than you thought you could. And while I try to live my life out of a servant’s heart and with generosity, I fall so short each day. My pride and competitiveness get in the way so often and I ignore the voice that is telling me to be humble and to simply love. Simply love. Such and basic and beautiful idea but so much harder to grasp onto and live out. I want that to be my life, full God, truth, love, compassion, and humbleness. We are changed from the inside out and I believe that this is a lifelong practice. I won’t change overnight, but if I follow Christ then each day I will become a little less self-serving.

Yes, my life is different than the average person that you might meet in a coffee shop or at the gym, but my life is far from as unusual as it could be and I believe will be some day. Just putting my education on hold and moving to Uganda for two years isn’t anything special or radical, but choosing to live my life solely for others can be. This is only the beginning of my walk with Christ and I know that my journey is far from over. In fact, this might be one of the moments that I look back on and think “wow, I really had it easy and normal back then.”  Life can be rough but when you are in God’s will and are trusting in His goodness, you receive more joy and peace than if you had been in control the whole time. I’d follow to the ends of the earth if He asked me and I’m not quite sure that He won’t, but wherever I am I hope that I am living my life differently and that God is being glorified. My life is pretty messy but with God all things are possible. And I believe that all things will happen in my life. 

Struggles and Joys of Living in Uganda

        Most days are really hard for me. I wake up tired and I go to bed even more exhausted. Each day is a struggle just to get through. Sometimes, I just can’t handle seeing another hungry child but that isn’t something that I can choose to avoid. There are days when I don’t want to laugh or smile because the pain I feel goes so deep. I’ve never been okay with how things are in Uganda or the world really. Every day, I am surrounded by great need and almost always there is nothing I can do about it. That simple fact is what makes each day a little harder. I came to the end of myself a long time ago and now the only thing that keeps me going is the strength of the Lord. I know that this is exactly where I belong, so I won't leave. The truth is, it's because of all of the hard things and struggles that I know I am meant to be here. I don't plan to walk away when no one else can. ;

 So, I forget about yesterday. I stop thinking about tomorrow. Instead, I simply focus on what God has given me today. I hate what I see but I find comfort in knowing that so does God and that He has had a plan in place since the beginning. And while leaning on Him I somehow find a way to open my heart again and reach out in love to those around me. Maybe I won’t be able to do anything against poverty, hunger, disease, pain, death, loneliness, or suffering, but I can walk alongside those who are already fighting these things and maybe I can bring them a little hope. God didn’t call me to Africa to change it, just to love people and humble myself to a place of understanding. So, while it can be very hard to see and feel success in the work I am doing, I know that I am serving my Lord each day and that is enough. 

                I want to tell you a story; a true one. I want to give you a glimpse into my life here and what I see and face each day. This is a story that isn’t finished yet, in fact I only became a part in this story on Friday. It’s a story about one of the families in the village, and a family that the Lord immediately laid on my heart. It was our last day in Zirobwe and we had planned to do some evangelism. To me evangelism simply means that you listen to people, that you open yourself up and are honest with them, that you try to encourage them where they are at, and try and meet any needs that they might have. This last part I feel is really important, because unless you show someone’s Christ’s love and meet their physical needs how can they understand His love and have their spiritual needs filled. I also believe that God brings us to certain people for a reason and He has given us everything we need to bless that person. 

Fred and Sarah

       On Friday we split into small groups and went out and tried to encourage people.  We were eagerly welcomed at the first house by a grandmother and her three grandchildren. She quickly ran inside her mud house and laid out mats for us to sit on and thanked us for coming to her home. She told us all she had to offer us was pineapple and asked us to sit while she prepared it for us. I watched her run around the small house stepping over a hen and its chicks while she searched for a knife to cut the fruit with, and I remember hearing a small whisper telling me that I was at this women’s home for a reason. Soon she began sharing her life with us and about all the struggles that she was dealing with. This woman was the sole caretaker of her three grandchildren and two of her sons who also lived there. She could barely walk on her good days because of extreme pain and swelling in her knees, and on bad days she couldn’t move. Her husband had died years ago and one of her sons had run away leaving her with his three children. The only source of food or income that she had was her garden, which was not ready to provide harvest for them yet. So, the six of them were living off of her youngest (12yrs) son’s earnings. He would spend the day helping dig ditches or working in someone’s field to earn 1,000-2,000 shillings, an equivalent of about 50-70 cents. With this money they were able to buy posho (a kind of flour mixed with water and usually sugar) and water it down to feed all of them. Her eldest grandchild Sarah was fighting malaria and had run out of medicine. In fact the first set of medicine the grandmother had borrowed because she was unable to pay for it, and wouldn’t be able to get more until she had. None of her grandchildren (ages 7, 5, and 4) or her 12 year old son Frank were in school. They didn’t have money for school fees, uniforms, or books and pencils. Both their saucepan and jury-can (a large can you carry water in) had broken. This family was literally living on nothing. I had the chance to share a little of my testimony and how God had healed me and saved me from blindness, and I prayed healing over her. Since this was a family that knew the Lord, we were able to encourage them and just remind them that He is our provider and strength.

Jajja, Me, Frank, Fred, Alowless, and Sarah

I also promised her that I would try and help because I knew that this was why the Lord had brought me to this beautiful family. I told her that I would try and find sponsors for the four children who needed to go to school. I already knew them from seeing them at Sunday school and Sarah was already very close to my heart. I had known for a while that I was meant to sponsor a child and had just been waiting for the Lord to show me which one. I knew that 7 year old Sarah was the one I had been waiting for. I knew that the Lord already had people who He wanted to sponsor, Frank (12 years), Fred (5 years), and little Alowless (4 years). I also was aware that God had blessed me the previous month with more than I needed to cover my monthly costs. I had been waiting for Him to tell me what it was for, and I immediately knew that it was for food and medicine for this family. See God always knows exactly what is going on in our lives, but what we often forget is that He wants to use us to bless others. He gives to us so that we may give to others. I had a chance to be a part of blessing this family and I was completely honored!

Yesterday, I went out and bought food, medicine, a saucepan, a jury-can so that I would be able to bring them to the village after church. Unfortunately, after getting sick last night I wasn’t feeling up to the long drive and asked my friend Hannah to bring it to them today. I was surprisingly alright with it. Of course, I wanted to be there. But it really isn’t something that was ever about me. I am just so glad that they were able to see that God provides for our needs. 

Here are some pictures of the family. If you would like to sponsor one of the children, please let me know! As soon as we get these children on the sponsorship list I will give you more information about it. Hopefully, in the next couple of days. But again, feel free to message me if you have any questions. 

Alowless- 4 years old

Sarah- 7 years old

Fred- 5 years old

Family portrait!

So, thank you to all of you who are supporting me, financially and through prayer, without you I wouldn’t be able to serve and love those around me. You are all a part of what God is doing here.

Womens Retreat

I am so encouraged. I spent the day with the women of my church, many of which are close friends.
Together we let our walls downs.
Together we rested.
Together we let ourselves heal.
Together we encouraged one another. 
Together we listened to the voice of our Father.

For me, it was a day of rest and encouragement. I was at peace. I was full of joy. I knew without who I was.

Strong.

Free.

Beautiful.

Loved.

Confident.

Powerful.

Important.

Dangerous.

Alive.

I few days ago while pouring out my heart in prayer and journaling, I asked God for faith. In Matthew 17:20 it says even with a little faith you can move mountains and do the impossible. So, I asked God for more than a little faith. Because, I know that He has more for me than just moving mountains. Today, God told me that He had given me the gift of faith and that I have been faithful.

This morning we were asked what lie was weighing heavily on our hearts, keeping us down for awhile.  Mine was self-doubt. The dreams and call I've been given are so big, sometimes it's hard to see any of that in myself. Throughout the day God just reminded me that I am perfect in the way I created, I perfect in where I've placed, and I'm perfect on my journey because all of this is according to His plan for me.

Later, we were asked what truth God had spoken over us. My truth came from a close friend. God spoke through her to tell me that He was SO proud of me. That blew my mind. God was proud of me and believed in me, I had no reason to doubt.


Today, God told me that I was faithful and that He was proud of me, for my heart and who I am, today.